Supine Thoughts

India Calling !

2007-10-04T20:42:00.000+05:30

I am going to India after almost 2 years.

All my peers who have gone to Pune recently have said the following :
- Traffic has become worst
- Growth is uncontrolled
- Pollution has reached new levels
- Those @$#^& rickshawallas should be banned
- Inflation is beyond my comprehension
- Had a great time !!

As for the anomaly , its the people and the food !

Ved leaves for India

2007-09-06T10:58:00.001+05:30

At O'Hare they were left for the security check while I stood there. And then Ved looked back ! :)

The Namesake : Alfie

2007-06-28T09:45:00.000+05:30

I was at Patel Brothers (a grocery store in my neighbourhood) the other day and I saw Alfie.The last time I had seen Alfie was in Pune about 3 years ago.After a long 26 years , the ban on his kind was removed by the USDA.

So why did I decide to call 'Alphonso' - THE mango from coastal Maharashtra - Alfie ??

- A box of 9 cost me 35$.
- Alphonso wasn't packed in the traditional wooden box with a lot of dried yellow straws (that's how I remember it !!) The Alfies were placed in a symmetric 3 by 3 matrix in a yellow cardboard box with a white webbed cloth carefully draped around each one.
- And now for the BIG ONE - Nutrient Contents printed on the side of the box

So I thought , Alphonso was Alfie. Well , I was wrong... cause after the first time the juice trickled down my taste buds the heart knew that this was apla Ratnagiri cha Amba!! (I havent tasted any other !)

Things to do in this lifetime - Climb a mango tree in the scorching heat of a Indian May afternoon one more time. As they say...The feat makes the slices sweeter.

Where were you Mr Mistry ???

2007-06-25T00:16:00.000+05:30

It was Rishabh who came to my rescue !

If you are on a social sabbatical , the usual protocol is that the society demands an explanation for your absence and sometimes a reason for your return. No , I didnt flunk my exam and run away from home..this sabbatical was the one where I did not blog while I got married , changed a couple of jobs , got to know that I was going to become a father , entered the labour room & became one to a handsome boy just before our first marriage anniversary ! So while I was thinking of a reason for my absence and return , Rishabh introduced me to a refreshingly new communication protocol rarely used in society.

Rishabh is 3 and is just picking up his language skills. He is reached the stage where you just repeat whatever everyone says and the others are supposed to decipher your speech.

So Rishabh kept asking me , " What do you want ? "

I said , "Nothing!"

"What do you want ?"

"Nothing Rishabh beta"

After a few more attempts he went to his mother who understood the protocol pretty well.

"What do you want ?" , Rishabh once again.

"What do you want ?" his mother replied.

"Apple" Rishabh was relieved.

His mother told me , " He cant say 'I want apple'"

Well , Where were you Mr. Mistry ???

Hope to blog regularly !!

Rare revelations

2006-01-19T14:13:00.000+05:30

I got married last month.

Much to the dismay of many gamblers, I did so without goofing up. So all those who placed their money on...
1> me freaking out & not turning up OR
2> me misplacing the garland
were pretty disappointed considering that stakes were pretty high when I goofed up
a week before my marriage - I went on stage to congratulate an acquaintance on his wedding and something on the lines of 'Congratulations Pankaj' came out (His name was Ashish). Soon after I did invite Ashish for our wedding , I am wondering why he didn't turn up. Marriage day is also a day before the day you realise that you forgot to invite some people who really should have been there. My sincere apologies for the same.

My wedding was also a hunting ground for the foundation of other marriages like
my friend Tipul who came all the way from San Hosay to ask 'Who's the girl in purple?' before saying 'Congratulations'. A week later when the huge photo albums came in , I even overheard an old aunt who was bride hunting for someone ask ,

'Whos this one in red?'

'Hmmm...The red one...you see...is my WIFE. Thank You Very Much'

Those couple of days were great fun. Before I got married many ideas about post wedding were propagated to freak me out but this one ironically laid all my fears to rest.One said...'Imagine you wake up in the night and there is this girl sleeping next to you'. I imagined and have slept peacefully since.(TT...Not because I am the one who snores).

All said and done , I have one more thing to take care of...Raju.
Brides Wanted: The girl in purple , where are you ?

Why shouldn't I join the NSA ?

2005-10-07T11:24:00.000+05:30

No...No...NSA hasn't offered me a job as yet....it is just a movie dialogue title.

(I rank it over a Adit's favourite Jack Nicholson one from 'A few good men')

Movie : Good Will Hunting
Matt Deamon and Ben Affleck won the Oscar for best screenplay.
(Audio link )

Will Hunting's reply when NSA chiefs suggest that instead of asking them 'Why he should join the NSA?'...he should reflect on 'Why he should'nt join the NSA ?'

Will: Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', Send in the marines to secure the area 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the schrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorroids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

Pune Roads : We Give Up

2005-09-22T15:00:00.000+05:30

The author of the blog is suffering from Positivaria - After continious suffering from the disaster for a considerable time , Victim appreciates the positive things that come from the supposed blunder out of sheer hopelessness & frustration.
Recently observed - Among Pune road commuters
Last record of outbreak - Observed among Pune road commuters (Just Last year)

This is just a factual, informative article unlike all the crap written by the ever-bickering media about the supposed worsening state of the roads in Pune.

Earlier a 'Road' used to be a strip of land, smoothed or otherwise prepared to allow easier travel, connecting two or more places. That is before the Pune Muncipal Corporation bagged the 100 million dollars deal to make Pune into a testing ground for Mars Exploration for NASA.

Back then , 'Tar' used to be a by product from the coking of coal ,in lay person's terms ," the thing required to make the above defined road " . Ironically , It is useful for patching cracks in roads but since our corruption.... err... sorry ..corporation is so focused on duplicating Mars , the use of genuine tar in road construction is a hangable offence.

Excepting a few corporates like stupid Naushad Forbes , corporates are looking forward to the 100 million foreign investment that will help in the development of Pune City that includes
a> Funding for Project CDDP (stands for Constant Dynamic Drainage & Pipelining...yup the same one where they wait to dig out good roads)
b> A bigger pandal for the Pune Festival (Everyone needs it!)
c> Construction of 7 bridges at prime locations
d> Assign 'Heritage' status to the older incomplete bridges
e> Construct 15 state-of-the-art subways which will be built before we build the roads because the decision makers have the IQ of a sea horse. (My apologies to the sea horse community)

Phew...hmmm...forgive me for the bitter blog. Well...the roads are not that BAD!! Actually , I am just upset cos somethings wrong with my flirting technique and I am unable to determine what went wrong with such a well-tested formula:

Greeting her with a lot of flowers , romantic candlelight dinner at one of the cosy Koregaon Park restaurants & a long night drive with her in my car.

MORAL - On these roads , Going for the long night drive is NOT a way to express your love. On the other hand if your stuck with a really mean girl (Rumour is that my blog is read by children too) , make sure you take her for a long drive on Pune Roads - It works at the cost of an impaired spinal cord and defunct car shock absorbers. Cheaper trick is to take her for a walk on the peaceful bridge & thank our competent , efficient corruption... err... corporation... cos the bridge is 'Heritage Incomplete':))

P.S. - Joey , Positivaria victims are NOT HIV positive.

Another supine thought

2005-06-13T14:27:00.000+05:30

There are not many instances I remember from Arts and Craft classes in Loyola.
In fact I remember just one for a reason quite impertinent to art/craft.
We were supposed to bring our own craft material to make a soft toy...Supposedly a
woolen doll.

"Have you brought wool ?" The crafts teacher asked Anand Krishnan.

"No Mam , I forgot"

"Did you forget your lunch today ?" (This is the common classic line from Teachers Quotes & Hallmark's Ironic Greetings Section)

"No Mam"

"Then how come you forgot the wool , if you got your lunch ?"
(This line is from Trick Questions to Harrass Teenagers - 1.0 )

"My Mom packed it for me".

By now this debate had attracted the attention of the whole class.

"So your Mom didn't give you wool?"

Anand thought for a while & replied , "My Mom is not a sheep."
(The latest entry to Answers to Trick Questions 1.0 )

Anand Krishnan did not do well in his craft tests , but his peers still remember him for that answer.

Yesterday , my colleagues and I rented out a car to go to Yarra Valley to see the Australian country side. The country side near Melbourne is beautiful. Tall trees , cool wind , winding roads , fresh air & the Australian dream as someone communicated his perspective to me - the happy family in a quarter acre house with a wooden fencing, a beautiful garden, two cars, children and the family dog....just like the drawing in our first lessons in art class in school. All the houses had window sills with rectangular glass panes.Houses had a slanting roofs just as Mrs. Daffre explained it to us - draw the triangle first, followed by two parallel lines and close the figure. Not to forget the mountain background with the beautiful sunset.

Yesterday , I remmembered Mrs. Daffre's Art Class at Loyolas ; for all the nice reasons. For many Art classes most of us (including Anand Krishnan )drew this one...Simplest to draw and yet so difficult.

P.S. - We made dolls allright , but forget woolen...They would fall more in the 'voodoo' category

All my reasons

2005-05-19T05:04:00.000+05:30

Cheeze maytes! ( read as cheers mates as they say Down Under )

It is called the Golden Mile - the walk alongside the Yarra river. If you are walking from Southbank towards Federation Square especially on a cold evening ,you are alongside the serene river facing the lit Melbourne skyline at a distance.The still reflections of the lit skyline on the river doubles the joy. On your right , the varied scents from each of the myriad of cafes & multi cuisine restaurant try to arrest your attention. Their aromas will captivate only if you are in my league - The people who walk that mile ALONE. Others walk down the river holding hands & whipsering 'I dont know what' for long hours.The aromas dont arrest their attention , they are completely captivated by the ambience and the company. They are everywhere on Southbank. Southbank promises them a candle-lit , a 'long wait before meals' dinner...some will also play the violin.

If you are totally out of luck, you would have to cross that way ALONE everyday on your way back from office. (Yup, Thats me!).It will be tragic to know , I go there only for the FOOD. More tragic , I complain...completely failing to understand the logic behind the slow service and the lack of bright light. Extreme tragedy , I wished the guy was playing 'Linkin Park' on the electric guitar instead of the (do you think I knew what he played) on the violin. Period.

(Nowadays, I take the longer route completely bypassing the Golden Mile.)

You get postcards/souvenirs of the sight from the Golden Mile & even friends who exclaim 'You went to the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground)!!(I have a friend who was convinced that the MCG is the place where the famous Mac Grill burger was invented & everyone in Melbourne just eats the Mac Grill).

I rather be in Pune with friends and family. (Chicago aint bad either).To Melboure/Southbank - No offence intended.I promise to be back with the creteria to make sense out of the long wait before dinners & the dim lighting. Off course , the violin guy and his song too.Recently a friend who has traveled to the likes of LosAngeles , Miami & Vegas said his favourite destination was Pune. I wouldn't agree more. For us , when it comes to the destination , It is the stories that matter , a lot more than the souvenirs.

Lord of the Rings

2005-05-10T12:41:00.000+05:30

'Hey , Can I ask you a question ?'

'Sure , go ahead.'

'Is proposing that significant?'

'Proposing what ?'

'Sorry...didn’t I say marriage...proposing marriage.'

Oops...The FMS Deja Vu feeling struck again. I think I had forgotten to tell her.

'Are you marrying Anuya ?!?! You didn’t tell me. GRRRR ' She just hung up.

I forgot to tell my close friend (who also happened to marry to one of my pals) & not telling her such an important milestone of my life spelt F-A-T-A-L. I called up my friend,

'Hi! Whats up ?'

'Nothing dude'

'How are you?'

'Can I call you later...I m in the middle of something ...all of a sudden she is pissed of because I didn’t propose to her. Trust me , have all the logical life you want to have before marriage. Rules change later. Now where on earth did the proposal come in between making breakfast? I'll talk to you later'

An important lesson learnt....'not proposing' will keep haunting you.
After ruining his morning breakfast , I thought of consulting Raju on the grave problem.

'Come on , You know what to do...'Catch her offgaurd & Go down on your knees'

'From 20,000 miles ???? It isn’t normal....Thats crazy. C - R - A - Z - Y ' I spelled it out.

After I uttered 'C-R-A-Z-Y' Raju took a long pause , which experience told me , he was going to give me something right into my face after 10 secs. I began my countdown will he was silently loading the verbal bullets into the shot gun ..ready to blast...3...2...1...

'Kapil , They call you the 'Lord of the Rings' because at the end of your engagement you had both the rings.'

I was silent.’ Lord of the Rings' - There were no rings exchanged, but you wouldn’t be entirely wrong if you said I got engaged and we were NOT in close proximity (Ya....it was 20,000 miles). Dont ask me how did it turn out to be an engagement-like occassion...it was supposed to be meeting the relatives before I went to Australia...and then it took a formal form and there I was...the LORD OF THE RINGS.

'So , Sell C - R - A - Z - Y someplace else , we are all stocked up here.' Raju gave the finishing touches.

I hate to admit it , whoever came up with Lord of the Rings...Good One !

The Devil You Know

A week later , I came to Melbourne , Australia. It is beautiful. People are nice too.
Queens Street on a chilly weekday noon will show you a crowd mostly in the conventional black business dress hurrying for/from lunch . The ancient trams still run royally through the Central Business District alongside their latest X-series substitutes. Cafes and multicuisine restaurants are packed in the afternoon. Walking out for lunch alongside these people is something I look forward to.There is no interaction , but I feel the spirit.

Day used to end with a walk alongside Yarra River , the walk is supposed to be romantic.So I take the other way through Flinders Street now , I reach home faster ;)

We were returning back from my office on Queens Street.

'Raju , You were right'

'About?'

'About going down on the knees'

'Cool , This is going in a good direction'

'Yup , I am definitely thinking on those lines'

'And if I may ask how do you wish to arrange it?'

'Havent thought abt it...Probably will google '"Mills and Boon" proposals' tommorrow'

'Preposterous'

'You think this is preposterous?'

'Yes, Indeed'

'How else do I beat Hugh Grant from Notting Hill?'

Raju smiled.

'So when is this supposed to happen ?'

'After I get married'

Raju laughed.

'I am serious'

'?'

'Gives me more time...'

'??'

'Plus...I reduce her options...She cant say NO'

'???'

'Everything works fine this way'. I added.

'So , what do you ask her...Can you even frame the question’?

'The way I thought about this....What better way to catch her offgaurd??'

'WHAT?"

'She will be totally offgaurd'

'Are you crazy?'

Crazy ? I didn’t answer that one. He didn’t expect an answer either.

I was the Lord of the Rings.

Woohoo...

2005-04-20T15:55:00.000+05:30

Great Expectations. This one is not from Charles Dickens.I am sure he didnt go through such hardships which come from the rising expectations in these times.

While I savored the warmth of the coffee watching 'When Harry met Sally ' starring Billy Crystal & Meg Ryan, the girls started a conversation about how God has been unfair to the fairer sex. This was a bit surprising since we were watching 'When Harry met Sally' and not 'Maherchi Saadi'.

' We have to give our surnames away after marriage' - Kayatri , who has a single surname till date.

' You guys dont even need rest rooms on road-trips....Just hit the brakes after the slightest realization.' - Kepali , for whom rest rooms has always been an issue.If she had her way she would make specific changes to the male anatomy.

' Not to forget labour pains & a hell lot of complications..' - Kevika

' Do you guys have any problems which the girls didnt have ?' - Kadhika , the most formal of the lot asked me politely.

Note: These four questions were just written in this systematic order purely for the readers understanding , the way I heard it went as 'We...surnames(garbled ... garbled)...need ...brakes...girls...the slightest realization'. Also I suck in the creativity associated in coming out with nice fictitious names.

I was silent.'Agreed. Women go through a lot than guys do. God could have done better'.I thought to myself. Sighting no resistance from me we continued to watch the movie till the next 'relevant' topic came up . Suddenly, all the girls went 'Shooooo Sweet'. Did I miss anything ? Billy Crystal said 'When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible' & then Meg Ryan started crying (So did all my friends inspite of hearing it for the seventh time).

Just then it occured to me that God made it up to all the woman in a mysterious , very cruel way. The onus of coming up with the 'Will you marry me ?' line defeated all the rest room trips , name changes and other complications endured by the fairer sex.

The surprise factor is the biggest factor to this. I am supposed to come out with this golden line in unexpected circumstances. 'Unexpected' - How is a 'marriage proposal' unexpected after the two have already made plans to get married. You just get ONE chance to go down on your knees , say this magical line , get married and live happily ever after.( Talking about expectations , did I tell you this line should be better than Billy Crystal & Hugh Grant !!!?!?)

What women dont realise is both Billy Crystal & Hugh Grant got a careful script of what he was supposed to say and when. The script was probably written by Mills & Boon + 20 script writers from 'Paris School of Romance' . Meg Ryan , I am sure she didnt cry because of the line. (It could have been the 15 million dollars she was paid for it). Mainly if Billy goofed up ,he just has to ask for a retake & all the circumstances would be recreated.

If Charles Dickens had to propose in these times , he would have still come out with a bestseller under the name 'Stress 1.0'. Back in 6th standard at Loyolas , Mrs. Zacheris , our biology teacher was teaching us photosynthesis. She saw me talking & it irritated her. Going down on your knees in front of a crowd wasn't a big deal that time. No creativity. No drama. No expectations. Five times a week. Stressfree.

(To be continued...)

Super Deals

2005-02-25T18:03:00.000+05:30

It was Thanksgiving time again!!
Living next to OfficeMax during this crazy season meant...
1> Rohan would be amongst the first ones to enter when OfficeMax opened for their Thanksgiving Sale
2> He would buy a laptop , his third for each thanksgiving season he had lived next to OfficeMax.

His logic was simple.
The configuration was much better than the earlier 'cheap' laptop he bought and the price was much lesser.

(He also had a set of 13 silver bottle openers at a 60% discount from the 2001 Thanksgiving Sale.None of which he had ever used. Half of which he wasn't sure how they actually opened a bottle.The other half : Rohan didnt have the bottles which the opener supposedly opened)

Our house maid wanted me to get a cloth-hanger utility which would be used to hang up wet clothes after they come out of our washing machine. After failing to do so on reasons of 'I have no clue what you are talking about' , she said,
"Our neighbours have it and they go it from USA."

On further investigation, This 'cloth-hanger' was also a snake catcher which my visionary neighbour had got for 25$ since it was for 80% discount.

Somehow I never am close to any ordinary deals...forget the superlative kind.
I am thankful to Steve Jobs for not having announced a price cut in the Ipod I got last September.

Yesterday morning , I got this urgent call from Sandeep.

"Hey, Quick...get todays Economic Times and check out the second last page"

As I was still trying to make the difference between Sando's call and the dream which he had interrupted in the wee hours of the morning , I took note of the urgency in his tone , gathered spare change from 7 drawers and just set off to get Economic Times.

'Did his company go public?' - He doesn't have a company dude !!

'Did he win some National Badminton Tournament?' - Hmmm...but then why only the Economic Times?

'Super Deals' - Yaaa...this must be it.Nike's for 999.99 only.

I bought the ET and opened the second last page.
It was a computer vendor and he wasn't selling laptops at cheap prices.

I called up Sandeep.

'Hey , What am I supposed to look at ? '

'Saw it?'

'Yup'

'So?'...Sando was surprised.

'So?????' (What was I missing here?)

'Isn't that Tushar in the advertisement?'

I looked at the advertisement and then at the watch.

'NO , IT IS NOT TUSHAR'

'silence...longer silence...Well...errr...Ithought...hmmm...Did I wake you up? click '

Meanwhile ,The newspaper guy was watching the fiasco.
He smiled. It suggested,'Sorry dude ,I cant give you the money'.
Then he made me glance at the other guy standing on the opposite side.

Tushar was shouting , 'You @$# , it is not me!!'

We left for our respective homes after agreeing to break Sandeep's jaw and never to bring up this story again.

Talking about Super Deals (once again we have forgotten the main topic) :

Somebody told me...
There is GOD and then there is Mark Knopfler :
Andheri Complex on March 5 at 7:30 pm

P.S. - I have refrained from commenting on the special relationship between the fairer sex and Super Deals. You may assume the sex of the Super Deal victims in the above blog at your own risk.

The Workaround

2005-02-16T19:10:00.000+05:30

"Hey , Congrats on your engagement!" I exclaimed.

"Thank You...but you know what I didn't get engaged" Nylie said.

Deja Vu...this wasn't new! I am so familiar with this feeling that not only did I contrive 'FOOT IN THE MOUTH Syndrome' after such follies but the other day I felt 'out of place' when someone mailed the full Surprise Party Plan to the Birthday Boy.Why does this happen to me? Why do I forget to wish the hundered times people REALLY get engaged ? Thank God I didnt get her flowers !!

"I am really sorry !"

As I was about to turn around to go to my Yahoo Messenger to remove her from my chat list (It was time to get deleted from the chat list) she exclaimed...

"Instead I got married "

"What ???" (One more to the long list)

After the hoooo , wooooow & superb with a few exclamations...We turned to the inevitable - No it is not Party Time. We are looking at wedding snaps. I swear to God , that people have given me two identical snaps consecutively as two different photographs and yet they gaze in admiration at the beauty of both and expect me to follow. Digital Cameras have'nt made things easier for me.

"Is'nt this a Church wedding? "

"Yes"

"I didn't know Adi was Christian"

She looked at me.

Dear God , His name is not Adi, is it? I was back...Time to get deleted from the chat list.

"Adi is not Christian but we had to get married."

"Why?"

"So that I get my dependent H4 Visa and he wont have to wait till his next trip to India."

"Great Nylie ! So your folks came there ? "

"No "

"Ohhh...too bad you made them miss the wedding"

"Er...hmm...Actually they don't have an idea"

"SAY THAT AGAIN...". Eyes can actually pop out if you are in extreme shock.

"Are they opposed to it? Did you just elope?" I tried to come up with possibilities in my mind.

"No. They just wanted to postpone the date so that Adi's sister can get married first"

"Ohhh..but that could take long , right ? I mean finding the right guy could take time."

"Noooooo ,Adi's elder sister's fiance is waiting for his sister to get married "

Just to prove my programming background & to make the conversation short and less confusing ,

"What is the loop length of this one ?"

"Meaning...?"

"Does Adi's sister's fiance's sister have a fiance who is waiting for his sister to get married and so on...?"

Nylies face was BLANK.
(And they say 10 dimensions from String theory are difficult to perceive)

"I dont know. I wish Adi's sister gets married soon" She said.

Yeah rite !! You think Adi's sister is not married. You are married and in most probability she is. For all you know everyone must be married. To avoid my coronation as King of FMS...I keep these things to myself.

"Anyways , I always wanted to elope"

The above statement didn't surprise me.

'Strange are the wishes of a bride-to-be in matrimony'.

Nylie wasn't the first person who wanted to elope despite society's approval.I have a friend who wants to get married only if there are chandeliers in the wedding hall and another who did want to get married because her swimming lessons weren't over by then.(They were supposed to have a beach side Honeymoon).This behaviour is predominantly a part of the fairer sex ;just like the cryptic , obsession for matching sweater colours. (They have to match the top they are wearing...WHY??? If I am convinced with any answer to the above , I'll watch 2305 wedding snaps of the lady...each with a satisfying intensity & interest)

Well, coming back to workarounds which is the topic of the blog....

Grooms ,There is always a workaround to get your best girl with you.

But then someone also said the penalty for getting the best girl is that you keep her afterwards. (These are not my views)

TO Adi's sister's fiance's sister's Fiance:
Find a workaround soon...there are treats pending here.
Please dont tell me you are already married

Kisna - The Warrior Poet (Ya rite?)

2005-01-25T18:28:00.000+05:30

Subhash Ghai can do better. I saw 'Kisna' and something didnt make sense.

Why would Ghai come up with such a movie ??

I thought about it and finally realised the plot.

The Plot:

If people thought 'Sonia Gandhi' was a mastermind after her 'I dont want to be Prime Minister' after the 2004 elections ;Take a bow before Salman Khan who approached Subhash Ghai with the script and even agreed to finance the film provided Vivek Oberoi starred in it.

'Kisna' happens to Vivek Oberoi thus ending his illustrious career(his past movies will seem illustrious if you watch him saying 'Kisna' in James Bond style).

Well whats left...Salman gets Aishwarya.

THE END.

Plot of the movie:

The new Indian actress Isha Sharvani shows some remarkable acrobatic skills which makes you feel you are watching 'Ripleys believe it or not' , nevertheless that should'nt have been the objective of the movie.

(You will find missing links in the storyline...but that maybe because I was awake intermittently)

P.S. - As for the guy who got us these tickets on a Friday Nite ;Not only did he get beaten by an angry mob & lose the money on the tickets but he has also promised to pay us a considerable sum for emotional damages failing which we would make him watch 'Kisna' twice.

Humanitarian Motives

2005-01-21T15:54:00.000+05:30

It is a wrong notion that social work is restricted to the dedicated volunteers of abbreviated NGO's.

Buying tickets for a movie is an extremely selfless humanitarian mission.(Volunteering to do so is also suicidal and stupid!!)

You have to come up with a movie which everyone likes , coordinate timings , buy tickets in anticipation that you will be payed for the tickets later (hahahaha).And the result is obvious..you FAIL and are blamed until the next time they want you to arrange one.

Imagine you & your friend are studying for some competitive exam and you decide that you should watch the new movie at Inox.

"It is a Thursday nite...We'll get tickets easily".I exclaimed.

"Ya , lets call up everyone"

"Well...Pratap...Not a good idea!!"

"Why?"

"Hmmm...You will call X and she will say 'I cant make it today...but I want to watch it desperately and all my other friends have already watched it.I missed it...please can we go tomm. nite?? Ask Y too'.
Then you call Y and he says
'I am game mann...but can we go for the E-Square 10:45 pm show ...that way I'll even pick my bike from my aunts place'
Then you call X again...
'Why cant Y make it tomm , I called up A & B...they are ready for tomm.'"

Pratap was convinced."Yaa...Then what do we do ?"

"Hmmm...Use the '10 minutes before' funda "

"??"

"We'll go for the movie & we'll happen to be near the theater 10 minutes before the show"

A few seconds later the plot dawned upon Pratap.

"Ohhhhhh...Mannn....!Superb...!"

(If I look really smart out here...That is about to change)

Then we watched the movie and Pratap is really happy !!

Next day we meet the gang...And Pratap is already a pro.

"Hey guys...I saw 'Tomb Raider' yesterday. We just happened to be near E-Square. Sorry...Couldnt call you guys!"

"Damn...I wanted to watch it.I want to see 'The Tuxedo'.Lets go tnite!!"

"Guys...that wont work." Pratap stated in his 'I know it all' tone.(You could also call it 'Kapil is screwed' tone)"You should happen to be there...10 minutes during the movie. You know what I mean , right?"

Now all the faces were staring at Pratap. I was waiting in anticipation for Satan's final move.

"And....This was Kapil's funda.I had offered to call"

Now all the faces are staring at me. Not very pleased. Checkmate.

Things have never been same since...Later they thought about my idea.Everybody loved it .Everyone still implements it. Frequency of 'I missed that one' has reduced.

Above all...Even now..everyone still blames it on me.

Thanks Pratap. Want to watch 'Anatomy of a Murder?'My treat.

IT WASN'T ME !

2004-12-09T20:41:00.000+05:30

'Blame it on KJ' has always been an unofficial rule among close friends.
If a blunder occurs and it aint clear whom the blame should go to , it always comes to me.

Right now , Some of you are thinking I am exaggerating.

This time I'll prove it to you.

BLAME IT ON KJ

My Location three months ago : Thousands of miles away in San Jose.
Meanwhile in Pune , my dear bro Ashwin reduces his weight.
So now if his hair is a bit dishelved , he looks like me.

GOLMAL

Sandeeps Aunt : I saw him a few days ago at Abhis wedding.
I smiled at him , but he did not even smile back.
Just looked through me.

Sandeep : Is that so ?

Sandeeps Aunt : Yes , even I was shocked.

MY REPUTATION DOESN'T HELP EITHER !!

My friends sister comes to Ashwin.

F's sis : Whats with you , Cant you even say hi ?

Ashwin : I think there has been a mistake.

F's sis : What ?

Ashwin : I am Kapil's brother - Ashwin

F's sis : (thinking...Kapil is trying to convince me he is not Kapil.This time you wont succeed!!)
Ashwin : ?!?

F's sis : Dont talk to me.

Ashwin : ?!?

(She walks away)

I rest my case.

Just remembered the scene in Golmal with Utpal Dutt & Amol Palekar.

" Main Ram Prasad Dashratprasad Sharma , aur aapne Laxman Prasad Dashratprasad Sharma ko dekha hoga sirr"

Till we meet again..

2004-11-09T01:09:00.000+05:30

Two people quit from my workplace last week.

Coincidently, I have had the pleasure of working with both of them.Both are really good at what they do.

Another coincidence , Both have really long names...16 and 13 alphabets ; an absentminded biologist could have mistaken them to be their biological names...err...!!!

Zee (really abbreviated form) fowarded my resume to the HR department when I was looking for a job a couple of years ago & I got it(Still working there). We were together in college and I remmembered her for the girl who was so engrossed in doing her C/C++ that she once put a semi-colon instead of a full-stop when she was taking some notes for a quiz we organised for an inter collegiate event.(Now I remmember her
for the girl who kicks really hard on the shins)

So after fowarding my resume , I was called for an interview.

I called her up in the morning of the interview.

'Hi Mistry!'

'Hey'

'Do well , okie ?'

'Yup'

'Best Of Luck'

'Thanks'

'Okie , chal!!'

'Bye'

I called her up again.

'Mistry !!' (please note the double exclamation and the absent Hi)

'Hey Zee'

'Nervous kya ?'

'Nopes'

'You'll do well.Come fast'

'Errr..Zee..actually I called for that'

'For what ?'

'Where am I supposed to come in the next 30 minutes'

'WHAT !?!? YOU DONT KNOW.You have been passing the office everyday on your way to college for 4 years.How come you never noticed' (For someone who was so sincere and peculiar abt the details of her plans...this must have been hard)

She realised that she had answered the question ,gave me the address.I got through.
I am not sure she got the referal bonus yet.

(Approximately...A year later)

'Kapil , you will have to goto Chennai on a knowledge transfer'.My manager informed.

'Okie'

'You will have to leave this Wednesday'

'Yes'

'Any problems with that ?'

'No.Whom do I have to co-ordinate with ?'

'Mail Shyamala (abbreviated again)'

The obedient & sincere lad that I was , I updated her about my travel plan.

I started my preparations for Amma's land 'Mad-ras'.If anyone is having a really hard time in choosing what to pursue - Movies or Politics or just be deified - Join the film industry - Alls included in one package.

Since I had completely forgotten about what I was supposed to work on. I asked Shyamala for ADVANCED DOCUMENTS which I could read.

Well, next day I got her marriage invitation.

She shifted to San Jose into a new home and I had got a small momento for the same when I reached San Jose this Sepetember.

I was supposed to give it to her when I was supposed to leave back for India.

Well ,Shyamala decided to leave first.

Zee's mail had a nice line - 'Till we meet again cause I am not saying Goodbye :)'

knot the same...

2004-10-28T07:18:00.000+05:30

Last year important discussions comprised of Sachins batting streak , career options which you can pursue while doing a job , latest mp3 players and digicams and which bikes are the coolest.

Decisions comprised of what to do for New Years ; Which caterer to hire ; How much do we spend ? What time do we return ? Venue has been same for the past three years.

(I have the privilege of saying our New Year celebrations end at 6 pm ;Ahem,..Nope , Mom is not happy cos they end 6pm on the 1st of Jan. Mom and I always start the New Year on this note)

This year , a couple decided to get married in November.
Another followed to have a plan fixed for a date which is two weeks later.
Another one decided to get married post X'mas.

Focus has already shifted from 'when is the last call in a Bar' to 'what kurta will you be wearing..'.

Important discussions now comprise of honeymoon destinations , popular apparel stores , hotel & hall bookings ,dinner menus and wedding themes.

This years decisions vary from what gifts to buy to post marriage housing plans.

(Talk about vision...A person I know had decided to take up swimming in August so that he could swim during his honeymoon in December)

Now as I write , I get a mail from a friend announcing his marriage on X'mas eve.

Went to the cafe a few minutes ago...and it was the question I have heard so many times,"So, when are you getting married ?"

Then I am wishing the question was 'Do you know when is the last call at the bar ?'

'I forgot ...when is the last call ?!??'

First Gear

2004-10-06T04:06:00.001+05:30

I would have liked to start this blog with 'Finally it happened' too.
But yesterday I was speaking with a friend from Duluth who interpreted the above in a way I did not.

I wouldn't blame anyone for emphatically stating "Yes, I can drive anywhere" after he successfully drove down the whole Tilak and Laxmi Road at 9:30 am on a weekday by car.(I would also say he is a fool to take his car on this road at this time unless he is testing his driving skills!)

I was in the same league until I landed at SFO and found it difficult to change my default actions.Everything which was to the left side becomes right here and vice versa. The above sentence means that in the earlier stages the wiper used to clean my windshield everytime I wanted to turn.A couple of driving tests in the parking , lot of navigation courses and a quick lesson on traffic etiquettes which are quite contrary to the etiquettes of Tilak Road rickshaw drivers ; I was set to drive.

We were on the way to Yosemite National Park and I finally got my hands on the steering wheel at CA 140 W which is marked as 'a scenic route'.Friends who were worried about their life (I was at the steering for the first time) turned their focus to their cameras.Amit,Mitu and other photographers -You should be here with your gadgets.

The route had the Merced river forcing itself through the white rocks by the side all the time.The huge , imposing mountains of Yosemite providing the classy backdrop and the weather was just right.The tress had green , yellow ,orange and colours I hadn't known of.The light rains send out the aroma of the land.It aint different from the aroma in India.

Then we parked and decided to take a trail to Verner Falls which is a 3-mile trail and takes you to a 1000ft elevation.The Verner falls further takes you to Neveda falls which further take you to Half Dome which is 4,800ft. We didn't do all of that:)

As we came down to the parking lot , I put on the ignition and relaised that the batteries had drained off.Thanks to left-right confusion I never realised when I put the headlights on.Other than basic necessities , I have realised that you cant live in the US without a Cellphone , Mapquest , Computer Access and Insurance. I had effectively used all of the above except for Insurance - Insurance Vasuli finally took place at Yosemite.

Not only we saved 46.5$ from our pocket , but also got a free ride in a towing truck along with gentle giant Ruud.While the car battery was getting charged up , I decide to take advantage of the cool calm composure my friends have maintained condoning my silly mistake.I asked Ruud if I could have a snap with him and the vehicles.
Gentle Gaints are kind people.

2004-10-06T04:06:00.000+05:30

Taking Charge !

Finally

2004-09-30T07:27:00.000+05:30

Finally it happened.
While most of my friends were doing it I had inhibtions about taking the plunge.
Circumstances were most favourable and I enjoyed procrastinating untill yesterday ; Now that I have done it once , I would say that I have overcome all my fears and await consequences that follow.

Yesterday , I woke up to the 7:30am light train which passed Gish Station.
I wouldnt have been suprised if I just missed the train or an officer caught me for crossing the tracks, but I got it on time.

"Hmmm...Whats up??" I asked myself.Pondering thoughts always start with a 'Hmm'.

I reached the Cisco office and asked the receptionist for a Visitors pass as I always did.

She made a typo - 'Kapil Mystery'.I forgave her.

I reached office and as we were about to start , I started feeling dizzy.

"Hmmm...
-What did I have in the morning ? Nopes , the normal juice and sandwich (this is because coffee takes time and simply aint worth the effort which I put it in mixing the contents in the right proportion).
-I cant be pregnant.
-I didnt drink (Or did I)
-I wont fake dizziness cos Mom aint around and I am not in 1st standard and am okie with going to school."

The table appeared to move ;Another symptomn of dizziness...or was it an earthquake?

The Richter Scale gave it a 5.8 and we ran out of the building leaving my laptop and cellphone in the room.Phew...So this is what was to happen.The meeting continued... with detailed discussions about work interrupted by very personal descriptions of their 15 seconds with the earthquake.The earthquake had done no damage , but most people have a habit to come up with dramatic experiences in their daily conversation for the rest of the day ; Others write blogs.

As I walked back to office feeling relieved about the feeling , I still thought it wasnt over.

I reached the apartment and found Vipul sleeping at 7:15 pm.

"Hey , Vipul...are you okie?"

"Nahi yaar , bukhar hain"(please assume vipuls cloying lucknowi hindi)

"Ohh..crocin liya kya?"(please assume my pune marathish hindi accent)

"Nahi bbe"

"Ohh.tu sooja , main crocin deta hoon"

"Thanks yaar"

Okie. Vipul is asleep and even I felt I should sleep early.I had no clue about the feeling untill I crossed the kitchen and the omen , finally uncovered itself.

I WAS GOING TO COOK IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CONSUMED BY ME AND MORE IMPORTANTLY BY THE SICK MAN IN THE ROOM WHO CONFESSED THAT HE WOULD PREFER HOT INDIAN FOOD.I COULDNT EVEN GO OUT NOW !!

Thanks to the running commentary by a considerate friend , I managed to make complete indian dinner including Dal , Rice , bhaji and poli.(More details in the blog later)

I want to thank God , my parents , my friend and Vipul who appreciated the food.

P.S. - Now since my mom knows I have some idea of cooking , I might be blackmailed for getting some things done.

Trends - 'Chitale' please catch up !

2004-09-23T05:34:00.000+05:30

I hope you understand why I am never there for lunch although I have post and pre lunch sessions in the Cafe.

In the times to come...

California News

Research is going on to get low fat milk from cows directly to cut costs involved in processing units in a university in Santa Clara.Cows will be doing Yoga (that seems the IN thing here) , Tai Chi(have no clue) and offcourse the rounds on treadmills. Grass eaten by cows mite be non-green BUT will be low carb and nutritious.

WARNING: Poets should think twice before using the phrase 'green grass' or attach a disclaimer in BOLD letters. Failing to do so , might spread misconceptions about color of grass(read as you will be 'sued').

Mom , I might have developed a taste for Boiled Tomatoes in Olive oil.

Coming up...Growing Decaff Coffee beans!

Bubba Shrimp and the prison of Alcatraz

2004-09-22T05:41:00.000+05:30

DISCLAIMER : This has nothing to do with Harry Potter.

This weekend I was at San Francisco and happen to go to Bubba Gump Shrimps Co.(This should ring a bell if you have seen 'Forest Gump').This 'restaurant' is based on the same theme , where waiters will be wearing 'Forest Gump' tshirts and the movie constantly and videos about its inside scenes.If you want to stop the waiter you have to put the 'STOP FOREST STOP' sign otherwise it is 'RUN FOREST RUN' which is taken from the movie where Forest's (Tom Hanks) only love asks Forest to run away from the bullies who love harrasing him.

One superb movie , thnaks to the storyline and direction from Steven Spielberg and Forest enacted by Tom Hanks - he is lucky and talented to have pulled over diverse roles he played in 'Road to Perdition' , 'Saving Private Ryan' , 'You have got mail'.His latest flick is superb too - 'The Terminal'.

Coming back to SFO also saw the prison island of Alcatraz.
(This is the same island which most will know as 'The Rock' if they have seen the movie which goes by the same name)Now talk about a prison having such a beautiful view like Alcatraz - You can see the whole of San Francisco coastline , the Fishermans Wharf and the Golden Gate Bridge.

Lovely seafood and ambience at Bubba Shrimp Co.

P.S. - On a creative note we have been successful in preparing Chicken Biryani , Butter Chicken and Paneer Masala.(We does not stand for Vipul alone and includes me)

Trainmates

2004-09-15T05:54:00.001+05:30

I was going from Baypoint to San Francisco A'port by Caltrain alone.
I purchased the ticket through their automatic ticket vending machine.
Then entered the Caltrain which reached at the exact designated time.
I sat on one of the many available seats of the sparsely commuted train.
The one hour journey was 'super exciting' - no noise , identical green trees / identical buildings on both sides and no faces.

Some years ago...
I went to Deccan Queen alone.
ALONE...if you refuse to acknowledge the presence of the old man who was loudly playing "Ankhon main kya ji" from Nau do Gyarah and the beggar who was supposed to be blind asked him to reduce the volume cos it was interfering with the 'Baazigar ohh...Bazigaar' he was singing(????). And the world outside my window would show me some morning chores so that I really appreciate the beauty when I reach Lonavla station from the Deccan Queen pantry where I am playing the challenging game of 'Longest Stay in Minimum Money' with the waiter.And then the commuters will actually get down on the station out to buy Vadas at Karjat and get back in the train ONLY AFTER IT STARTS MOVING.

Certainly not ALONE , I remmemeber Raju getting a Vada for old lady next to her and sweetly calling her 'aaji'. Here , I havent even seen a real grandson around their elders. Where are they ?

P.S. - My aplogies for missing out the 'Cold Drink' wala and the Hairpin seller.

(strangely , my memory associates hairpin sellers with Trains)

P.P.S. - For those who guys who hadnt heared from Raju , he has said 'hey'.

First Taste

2004-09-10T07:36:00.000+05:30

At some places...Popular food might not impress a epicurean ; rather displease him.

I happen to have breakfast & lunch at one such place.

[Venue : One more diet conscious location]

"Food is good today"

"Haha".Methinks it was a nice sarci but the way he was savoring on the completely bland fried chicken made me realise he was serious.His confused look at my laughter confirmed my doubt.I excused myself from the table under the pretext of coffee.

I was thanking my stars for giving me a house on the busiest roads of Pune City ; that made me easily adjust to my sojourn in San Jose City which was a 'Rail platform'. I boast of a rail facing apartment - a VTA train passes 70 feet from out house at a frequency of 30 minutes.(When you are sleeping , it feels like 10 secs).That's why the coffee was a necessity for my roomie ; I was just giving him company(read as reason to escape a Foot in the Mouth situation)

I put two spoons of sugar into the coffee and on my way took a sip....urghhh!

Another spoon...still not sweet!

Two more...by this time my glass was heavy.

Next morning shifted to a 35 mg sodium , 42 g Total Carb , 42 g Sugars 12 FL OZ drink.

And I thought we had to focus on the taste.

Yup , I tried cooking. I am pathetic. My roomie agrees.

P.S. - Ya , my roomie cooks.

P.P.S. - A spoonful of sugar ???? Sorry Mary Poppins.

One fine day...

2004-09-08T05:16:00.000+05:30

"She was supposed to accompany her college friend to San Francisco airport to pick up some stuff from another friend who was in transit and had a one hour halt at San Francisco . So equipped with maps and directions written on a piece of paper they left in the car for SFO airport , it was 7:45 pm.

Same time , Not many miles away he was seated in a mixed state - 'nervous and excited' between the slow Indonesian female and the huge lazy sleeping Englishman.
'Excited' cos he was going to say 'hi' to a close friend after a long time and 'Nervous' cos it wouldnt be that BIG a surprise if there was a guy with a placard stating his name and company.She would easily come to know.It would spoil the fun.The plane landed and in one brilliant move he overtook the old Indonesian Lady stopping her in her track.The race to the immigrations was 'a stroll in the park' once he was outside the plane and he was first in one of the many immigration counters.Bags arrived early too and he had nothing to delare to the customs. At the arrival section , his eyes were now searching for 'the girl' and the guy from the car service.

The board at the Arrivals said the S'pore-SFO flight had arrived. Airports reminded her of the movie 'Love Actually' , it started with the Chicago airport showing glimpses of people meeting longed relatives adding a special significance to the arrivals section of the airport. Departures section was contrary.Just then she saw a figure which looked familiar...there was a smile on her face and they hugged.

What happened later....'she' wasnt speaking with 'him' cos she hadnt digested the fact that 'he' was around.It took about 3 hours for her to utter a few words.It was too good to be true.

Well , the guy with the placard did come late and was duly rewarded for his inability to reach in time.(He did have an expression which suggested confusion about what his clients were so happy about.)"

'Jubaan pe sach, dil mein India'

2004-08-13T14:34:00.000+05:30

While riding to office , saw surging waters of the otherwise dry Mula Mutha river washing away several huts breaching into close by homes making life miserable for people living on river banks.Add to that , LIFE with wet socks , pants and shirts in
the A.C. aint really good.The roads are killing the backs of motorbike riders and needless to say accidents are on the RISE.

I was thinking about how the rains have affected our lives when Mr.'I DONT GIVE A DAMN HOW MUCH WATER I SPLASH' passed by full speed.

I parked my bike.(Parking is really comfy nowadays , cos many peoepl prefer to come by CAR)

In all my English or Moral Science lessons , the Inidan farmer or the 'Kisan' invariably had the name Hari.Newspapers suggest that all the Haris out there are really happy with the rains.

When I reached Selectica there was a tricolor on every cubicle in anticipation of Independence Day.(Kudos to the HR for the effort!)

Remmembered Javed Akhtars ad for NDTV. - 'Jubaan pe sach, dil mein India'

Hmmm...I guess I could do with the wet clothes and the potholes dodging if HARI is happy.Even Mr.'I DONT GIVE A DAMN HOW MUCH WATER I SPLASH' would agree.

Keep up the spirit.

P.S.- BTW...Today at Selectica , We are feeling a little bit more Indian.The smiles say it all and the fever is catching.

The Specialist

2004-08-10T20:40:00.000+05:30

(Not many years ago...)

"This is not a lodging and boarding centre, please treat this like your home"

These were frequently uttered sentences from my Mom who thought that she hadn't seen much of ME in the past few weeks.

"Mom , this is the last trip all of us are going to be together!!"

"Yes, I know. But LAST week was your LAST valentine's day together.And then there was LAST christmas together.Then the LAST New Years eve together. You even had a LAST Republic Day together"

She had a valid point.It never ever seemed like all of us had been spending a lot of time together.We were always racing against it; there were 10 more things we wanted to do and
100 more things we wanted to talk about and another 10 places we wanted to party.Half of us were leaving Pune to pursue further studies.

"I have to GO"

"No"

"Mom ,We have a farewell planned for these guys".This did the trick.

Though all of us would be eagar to co-ordinate and help out in such activities which supposedly was a FAREWELL (read as one more reason to spend time together & have a grand party) ; there was one person who was a specialist in FAREWELL's. We call her 'CAPTAIN'

Right from how to catch the guy/gal when she least expects a party , make a special meal , give him a traditional Indian welcome with a garland , giving him a special collage which will have his favourite football club/actor/actress and not to forget the special chart paper plane which had the name of the airline by which the person was about to fly(It had childhood snaps of the friend which were smuggled a day or two before the person's farewell was planned).The MISSION would end only after she bid goodbye to the friend on Mumbai's Airport.

Ironically its her farewell time and we don't have the advantage all the earlier guys had.

We didn't have a specialist.We did try a stunt though.Couldn't match her capabilities.

Adios Captain !!

A different approach to Football

2004-08-09T17:35:00.000+05:30

The Pugmarks Corporate Football Tournament is going on and Selectica was about to play Nevis Network.

A disciplined & well-planned attack by a talented group is always your best bet .

I came to know of another strategy yesterday...

We had a huge player who was playing 'right back' and for whom 'He charges like a frustrated ferocious bull' would be an understatement.

He was pursuing a ball which was about to go outside and he cudn't stop the ball though he managed to kick the chair kept several feet away from the line (testimony to the immense momentum associated with that humongous body of his).

Well, The chair broke. The opposition was watching.

He did get the first 'Yellow Card' of the whole tournament(10 matches till that moment), but that's not important; At the end of the game , we were leading 2-0. Mentally we did not have to wait for the game to end ,We had won the mental battle when the chair broke into two.

P.S.- Currently , I am limping cos 'Each team has its share of Bulls'

While... - II

2004-08-05T17:07:00.000+05:30

(continued from yesterdays story...)

DAVID opened his eyes. He slept on the way, the sobbing must have woken him up.
"What happened?"

"Hmm..."

"Its okay if you don't want to tell"

"My father left me. Long story. If you don't mind I am not comfortable talking about it.
Just forget it...Do you know the singer of the song..."

"Chris De Burgh"

"Right got it" she exclaimed.

David saw the rare smile on her face. She looked beautiful.
She turned out to David...

"How did you know which song I was about to say ?"

Just then the cell rang.David had forgotten about the 911 call.

"Sorry , Mr.David we couldn't get you. Our patrol car ran over this man while we were on our way to get you.We'll be there in 10 minutes.Are you okie ?"

"Yes , I got a lift and am on my way to the airport Officer by Mrs...." David stopped for the girl to answer.

"Miss Erika..." she corrected.

"By Miss Erika" he continued speaking to the officer.

"A lift , at 3 a.m. by a Miss Erika...last name".The office was quite startled.

"Your last name ?" David passed on the question to her.

"Erika Peter Linker"

While...

2004-08-04T17:59:00.000+05:30

Peter spent the rest of the money on the booze.It was the money they had been saving for the past three years , it was also the money he had been spending at the casino's in the hope that he would earn some more , it was the money that he had promised Susan he would save for their daughter, it was the money his daughter had built dreams on...and he had blown it all;
Every penny of it.

He hadn't gone home for a week now , he was begging friends for money and when he was not doing that he was drinking.The bruises had come with a fight with the bartender of the bar he had been thrown out from.He lay on the road with his face towards the ground and the left hand palm facing the sky.The other hand he held the gun which was hidden below his soaked undershirt.The blood from his nose was already on the road.To a person in the car it would look like an accident case.Now he was waiting for someone to stop by for help.He had made up his mind ,as far as possible he wont murder.

It was dark.It was same with the rainy night.

DAVID opened his eyes .the noise must have been some tree coming down because of the storm. 'It was the first time it is raining so heavily' he remembered the motel owner saying yesterday. He set aside the curtains looking at the rains hoping he reached the airport in time. After lacing up his shoes he made a quick check on things he had with him when he came to the motel. Having checked out of the motel, he ran to the car that was in the now muddy parking lot. His cell couldn't catch the range. He was driving 60 miles per hour when he came across the crossing. He had no idea of the directions. He got out of the car to have a closer look at the broken signboard.

He turned left. He turned on the radio; it was playing 'Lady in Red’. It used to be his favorite song but he couldn’t recall the singer's name. He hated the times when it happened to him.'Italian or was the singer English?? He sounds English. It seems'...Suddenly he saw a body on the road and he hit the brakes as hard as he could and swerved the steering to the left. He turned to check if he missed the body that made him ignore the tree ahead. The tires hadn’t missed Peter who at the last moment tried to move out. For once that night , The lightening appeared subdued, the flames from the car blast took over for a few seconds.

DAVID opened his eyes .the noise must have been some tree coming down because of the storm. 'It was the first time it is raining so heavily' he remembered the motel owner saying yesterday. He set aside the curtains looking at the rains hoping he reached the airport in time. He checked out of the motel, ran to the car that was in the now muddy parking lot.His cell couldn't catch the range. He was driving 60 miles per hour when he came across the crossing. He had no idea of the directions. He got out of the car to have a closer look at the broken signboard.

He turned left. The road wasn't lit, 'Must be the rains' he assumed.’ It was the first time it is raining so heavily' he remembered the owner saying again.

'Chris De Burgh’. It came to his mind.

'Why did I think of that? The singer of Lady in Red...why did I think of him? Too much caffeine in the body or was he on TV last night'

He turned on the radio; it was playing 'Lady in Red'.

'What the hell? This must be'...Suddenly he saw a body on the road and he hit the brakes as hard as he could and swerved the steering to the left.

"Shit!!"..He screamed.

He turned to check if he missed the body which made him ignore the tree ahead. The tyres hadn’t missed Peter who at the last moment tried to move out. The car exploded.

DAVID opened his eyes .the noise must have been some tree coming down because of the storm. 'It was the first time it is raining so heavily' he remembered the motel owner saying yesterday. He set aside the curtains looking at the rains hoping he reached the airport in time.

'The weather seems too bad. I should stay back'

He called the motel owner. His wife answered.

'Sir, it has always been raining like this. Might get worse. Cant say?!?'

Although he felt uneasy, He decided to go for it. Having checked out of the motel, he ran to the car, which was in the now muddy parking lot. His cell couldn't catch the range. He turned the ignition and turned on the radio; it was playing 'Lady in Red'.

'Chris De Burgh. Did I dream of him yesterday.'

He felt he had been there before. He was driving 60 miles per hour when he came across the crossing. He stopped.

'Have I been here?' David thought to himself.

He got out of the car to look closely at the broken signboard and drove straight. It used to be his favorite song but it made him feel uneasy so he shut the radio off. A few miles ahead there were a few trucks which had formed a queue in front of what looked to David as a fallen tree trunk.

David slowly slid his car to the right side of a red colored Kenworth truck.

'What happened?' David asked.

'My name is Cavaness..'The truck driver shouted.

The driver seemed drunk. David shifted into reverse gear. He was heading back to the crossing and passed the crossing.

He put on the radio. It played 'Spark to a Flame' by Chris De Burgh. He put it off.

'Did Chris De Burgh..'Suddenly he saw a body on the road and he hit the brakes as hard as he could and swerved the steering to the left. He turned to check if he missed the body which made him ignore the tree ahead. The tires hadn’t missed Peter who at the last moment tried to move out. For once that night, the lightening appeared subdued, the flames from the car blast took over for a few seconds.

DAVID opened his eyes .the noise must have been some tree coming down because of the storm. He looked at himself in the mirror.

'Have you been to our motel earlier?' he remembered the motel owner asking yesterday.
'Never even in the State before' had been his answer.

He set aside the curtains looking at the rains hoping he reached the airport in time.
David checked out of the motel, ran to the car that was in the now muddy parking lot.
His cell couldn't catch the range, so he went back to the motel to call the airport.
Couldn't get through. He decided to take a chance.

He was driving 40 miles per hour when he came across the crossing. He had no idea of the directions. It felt as if he had been there. He got out of the car to have a closer look at the broken signboard. It pointed the airport to the left, but something told him he was to go right.

"Its all in the mind...Its all in the mind. F#$% it. Have to go left." He kept muttering to himself.

David ran back to the car to realize he had locked himself out. This had never happened to him.

'What am I gonna do?'

The cell showed a signal, a weak one but he didn't have the motel number. He decide to call the cops. They promised to come in 10 minutes. He had freaked out.

A car sure did pull along and David waved ahead of it. It screeched to a halt.

The rains wouldn't let him see who was inside. It wasn't the police car.
He could make by the outline that it was a lady wiping and it looked like she was crying.

It was a young girl with her shades on. David thought 'Maybe she must have had a fight with her husband/ parents'

"Sorry Mam, I thought you were someone else"

She rolled up the window again.

Went some distance and screeched to a halt and reversed back.

"I am sorry, you need to go anywhere? " she asked.

David paused.

"Where do you want to go?" she repeated.

"Well...To the right"

"The Airport...Get In. I could drop you"

David stood still for a second. The girl had put on the radio and it played 'Lady in Red'.

"What happened?"

"Sure. Thanks" He got in and they drove away.

DAVID opened his eyes. He slept on the way, the sobbing must have woken him up.
"What happened?"

"Hmm..."

"Its okay if you don't want to tell"

"My father left me. Long story. If you don't mind I am not comfortable talking about it.
Just forget it...Do you know the singer of the song..."

"Chris De Burgh"

"Right got it" she exclaimed.

David saw the rare smile on her face. She looked beautiful.
She turned out to David...

"How did you know which song I was about to say ?"

Just then the cell rang.David had forgotten about the 911 call.

"Sorry , Mr.David we couldn't get you. Our patrol car ran over this man while we were on our way to get you. Are you okie ?"

Youth Icon of India???

2004-08-02T19:22:00.000+05:30

Malika Sherawat was one of the nominees for the Youth Icon of India.
(My views on that were asked by a Times of India reporter 10 minutes ago..
Last time I had my photo in the newspaper was when I happened to be at 'Polaris' without my mothers knowledge who assumed I was studying in the library and woke me up to tell me that my photo had appeared.That nite I must have thanked God for letting her excitement take over her anger)

Malika Sherawat, I bet this is sarcastic.

I would go for..

The minister , whom I predicted to land up in Hospital after he was missing when the police wanted to arrest him. Well , my prediction went for a six - I undermined this genuis who said he wasn't missing at all..he had just gone out to meet 'his people' in the forest reserves of India.

On a coincidental lighter note , I was nominated for Employee of the Quarter today.

P.S. - Gayatri , Thank You for the opportunity.

Spidey 2

2004-07-30T01:08:00.000+05:30

Spiderman, Spiderman,
Does whatever a spider can
Spins a web, any size,
Catches thieves just like flies
Look Out!
Here comes the Spiderman....

Saw Spiderman 2 at E-Square on Wed nite.

After potraying Part 1 as the 'Rise of the Hero', the theme for Spiderman 2 seemed perfect...'Introspection of an hero'- Did he want to be Spiderman ? Was he willing to be different , lead a different life , place 'duty' above 'love'(read as Mary Jane) , sacrifice his education and accept responsibility.

'With great powers comes greater repsonsibility' - BINGO!!

Sadly, the directors made Spiderman reveal his identity to Mary Jane , his best friend and Spidey3 enemy (stage is set for Spidey3), a 10-15 commuters on the train and hundreds of others who watched him stop the train. They can't remove the mystery, thrill...which comes with Peter Parker's frown over never getting to see 'Spiderman' when the people around him go gaga about him.

Hated this fact about the movie.

For Spideys Directors, With such a character and hype there comes responsibility.

Not so long ago I wished I was spiderman...sigh...sigh
I still like the song which used to play on Doordarshan when I was 10...

Is he strong?
Listen bud,
He's got radioactive blood.
Can he swing from a thread
Take a look overhead
Hey, there
There goes the Spiderman.

In the chill of night
At the scene of a crime
Like a streak of light
He arrives just in time.

Spiderman, Spiderman
Friendly neighborhood Spiderman
Wealth and fame
He's ingnored
Action is his reward.

To him, life is a great big bang up
Whenever there's a hang up
You'll find the Spider man.

How to lose a guy in 10 days ?

2004-07-29T22:13:00.000+05:30

I could relate to Harrison Ford's character in 'Clear and Present Danger'

Just that it was more dangerous and crystal clear , I was the lone guy at the table with three girls.And to my obvious misfortune they were discussing the movie which the title of the blog suggests(How I find my way to trouble??).

Plus I tried to counter argue...Was thinking of how a similar movie about the girl would figure...FAILED! Girls often team up to assasinate a Guy...and they just did that.

Just as I was about to die when...

(Friends , many seasons ago...Chandler was trying to get rid of his ex-girl friend Janis)

Chandler : I cant meet you.

Janis : Why ?

Chandler : Well...err...I am moving out of this country.

Janis : Out of the country....Where ?

Chandler : Hmm..Yemen.

Janis : Ohhhhh...Let me help you pack.

(in his apartment)

Chandler : Guys...As you know I am moving to Yemen FOREVER. Janis is going to help me pack my bags.

(Everyone understands the plot except for you know who...?)

Joey : Hey you didn't tell me ?

Chandler : It was all of a sudden.

Janis : Come on darling , let me help you pack.

Chandler : Yeah sure.

Janis : I am gonna miss you.I'll write you a letter.Whats your address ?

Chandler : Yeah sure....addresss....hmm...1 , Yemen Road , Yemen.

(Rest of the guys explain the plot to Joey when chandler comes out...)

Joey : Keep up the act...and you know what...Yemen also sounds like a country.

Chandler still doesn't lose the girl.She decides to leave him to the airport.Chandler whispers to the airport ticket issuer , saying "I'll give you a card and you give me a fake ticket"

Chandler : One ticket to Yemen please (hands over the card)

Staff : Sir , We dont accept library cards.

Chandler : OKIE...HOW MUCH FOR A TICKET TO YEMEN

(Janis is still not leaving.chandler buys the ticket and enters the passage after bidding Janis goodbye wishing she will go away...But she doesnt)

Finally ,

Chandler to the lady seated next to him : Can I stay with you ?

I was back...a new confidence in ME.
Beware girls , Chandler is in my team.With extreme confidence I narrated this one...
and YES...there was hot coffee over me...(Well not exactly over me).

P.S.- Doctor says 0.7 % burns.

P.P.S.- They have a horrible sense of direction when it comes to throwing coffee.

'Dent'ist Demands

2004-07-28T18:42:00.000+05:30

Presently my friends seem to be having a lot of problems with their teeth.
(Good for my dentist friend who once was playing with the idea of distributing candies in the clinic lobby. Some of the things which you need to keep the business flourishing)

Well yesterday I went to see a friend who had a surgery done to remove something from her gums and she was more concerned about the appearance of the doctor than his skills with the 'saw'. I don't understand the obsession with handsome doctors.

(I hope the term 'SAW' brings out the fear I have got for the dentist clan)

Well I can afford to write this blog because my friend is ON LEAVE and hopefully wont be checking my blogsite for the next 10 days.

By the way...I got to do something about the dent to my 'reputation'...

- While going to her place , one of my colleague exclaimed " ARE YOUUUU...GOIN FOR MORAL SUPPORT? " (please observe the stress on the UUU in YOUUUU)

- The patient thought I was there to visit her for the ice-cream which was a part of her treatment.

P.S. - 'Kwality' Butterscotch tastes good.

P.P.S. - Try 'Strawberry' too.

(Dont judge me.Mavshi forced me to have it!!)

Wrong Signals

2004-07-27T18:38:00.000+05:30

I remember calling San Jose literally as San Jose instead of San Hosay.
They never stopped laughing.

Today morning I realised it is not necessary that you make the mistake and become the laughing stock....

Everything is alright your guardian angel has this urge to take a break.The moments she leaves you say the unspeakable. You do not realise the damage.You fail to see it on everyone's faces (as your luck goes you have uttered it in front of a crowd who have already made first impressions about you.) Lets call him Hrundi V. Bakshi.

(Scene : Morning 10 am. A crowd around the coffee machine. Richard has shaved off his French beard.Mr.Bakshi walks in and greets Richard...)

"Hey , I liked your Frenchie yesterday!"

(Crowd stops sipping coffee.A second passes by.They resume)

P.S.- Richard must have been asked out by the 'not so fancied' gender by now.

P.P.S. - Hrundi meanwhile hasn't realised his folly.

Circle - Huddle - Cuddle

2004-07-26T21:54:00.000+05:30

Various reasons have come out as to why India lost to the Pakis yesterday.

Some said...

Lots of missed catches.

Wrong strategy of taking five specialised bowlers.

Sachin didn't strike.(What else was he supposed to do after 3 wickets and 70 odd runs..TRIP Shoaib Malik?)

I try not to involve myself into a post match analysis...but some freaky reason which crossed someones mind got me imagining.REASON : - That they did not form the circle or huddle or whats more a 'cuddle'...

For more:It must have come on page 10 of the Sunday Times yesterday.
Cuddle Party Report

P.S.- (Come on...Atleast one must have read the sunday times before the match and got really scared of where they r heading - SOMEONE )

P.P.S.- Your thoughts ?

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN - Indian Cabinet Minister

2004-07-23T17:33:00.000+05:30

Ji Mantriji...

2004-07-23T17:30:00.000+05:30

Indians, We have achieved a new milestone.

Many years ago this man was charged with the killing of 8-10 people and now when the the police finally realised they want this man , He was a cabinet minister for Coal.

Questions raised...

-Why did the police have to take so much time to realise he is the culprit?(The crime took place in 1975)

-And why did they have to realise when he just joined office?

-His peers in the Cabinet mantain that this wasn't brought up when the opposition was friendly with our absconding Minister.

Somehow , Nobody is talking about his crime.

Wish this was an event in the Athen Olympics. We could call it 'Catch me if you Can'.

P.S. - If you are a true Indian , you would know that - When found he is going to go in Hospital. Any doubts?

Video killed the Radio Star ???

2004-07-22T18:57:00.000+05:30

"Heard you on the wireless back in Fifty Two
Lying awake intent at tuning in on you.

If I was young it didn't stop you coming through.
They took the credit for your second symphony.

Rewritten by machine and new technology,
and now I understand the problems you can see.

I met your children
What did you tell them?

Video killed the radio star.
Video killed the radio star.

Pictures came and broke your heart.
And now we meet in an abandoned studio.
We hear the playback and it seems so long ago.
And you remember the jingles used to go.
You were the first one.
You were the last one.

Video killed the radio star.
Video killed the radio star."

I don't why the Buggles wrote this one , but the Radio Star is definitely coming back on 93.9 FM. Whoever thought there was life after All India Radio. Whoever thought there was listening beyond `Jayamala Karikaram' and Vividh Bharati, with listeners only from Jumri Thalaya

I was never fond of RADIO , but there is NO WAY OUT when they play the disastrous soaps. The TV is really getting on my nerves...Firstly these serials and I HAD TO WATCH A FEW MATCHES OF EURO 2004 with a Hindi commentary where my ' Hindi ' was the culprit more than the commentaries.

(When listening to Radio , there are a few occasions where I just love them , especially when they take on Bappi Lahiri and the nite they play English Classics)

With that I have a few warnings that are necessary to make my life easier,

Ladies of the Radio Generation : My opinions are just my perspectives about radio have nothing against Amin Sayani.

To my cousin from Mumbai: Do NOT send me an analysis report on Mumbai FM Vs. Pune FM

Bappi Lahiri Fans: (Are there any ?) If yes , You suck.

CUT...CUT !

2004-07-21T17:13:00.000+05:30

I clicked 'Send' and it meant I was over for the day. It was 'CUT..CUT' from the late night conference calling to Hosay.

It was just 6 pm. I was going home early , would make it to the gym , have a cool shower , play frisbee with Goofy on the lawns, have a nice dinner...CUT...CUT ....my dogs name is not GOOFY...I don't even have a dog...a lawn neither. (too much caffeine)

Revise PLAN...Go home , bunk gym and watch TV. Hmm...Realistic ! So I go home listening to 'Yuva' songs and then have a shower and then goto the couch and surf through channels ... Movies , News , Sports.

SO FAR SO GOOD.
Then it struck 8:00 . The TV turned to 'Alpha Marathi'. Cos..It was 'AVANTIKA' time and then it would be 'WADAL WAAAAT' and then it would be 'LETs CRY' ...followed ' YOU NEED MORE CRAP' ...rite upto 10 p m.

One more of the soaps which have been running for a long time...much before Ekta Kapoor monopolized the field with her K serials . They glue innocent woman to the TV for long hours.

Sob-Sob OR Sacrifice-Sacrifice

They have one character of the fairer sex who has been going through a lot of trails and tribulations who fights with the enemy who necessarily has to be her initial close friend or relative.And slowly and surely , her primary response to any event/situation becomes SACRIFICE. E.g. For no sensible reason Lady Cribber cries because she didn't goto the party she wanted to go to.

(You have to believe me , at real early hours I watch three serials one after the other and its all the same shit)

When you can't stop them join them

- I strongly feel that Avantika should marry again.(Sadly that's my tale , I have started following the story.)

- And instead of crying indefinitely inside her room , the girl with a really gaudy dress sense from the second serial on 'alpha marathi' might as well slap the guy and ask him to get himself a LIFE. (And let us live one too!)

-The 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
(I come to strange conclusions when watching these serials)

In conclusion...

How much does an Philips 20 inch cost with a separate cable connection?
(Maybe I should give all the money to a widow...CUT...CUT...I guess I better go home LATE)

CHAT SETTINGS

2004-07-20T17:23:00.000+05:30

rockin lonavla!!!!! says:
hey u can say hi atleast

Abhi says:
bol kiii...bas kya ?

Immortal says:
KJJJJJ...majurdya

8 out of 10 conversations start this way - BECAUSE my MSN preferences are set to DO NOT ALERT WHEN CONTACT COMES ONLINE.

Not many months ago....I had set this option otherwise , So that I see everyone coming online. But when I was discussing some stuff with a few female colleagues (relatively strangers)...Some jack-ass who is popularly known for his "luck" had to pop up with the MSN-id "Two is company.Three is an orgy".

Since then things have been different. Who says distances matter ? He strikes from Oklohoma.

Next time , if you see me online please say 'hi' , i'll be glad to reciprocate.

Thank You !

2004-07-19T20:00:00.000+05:30

Thank you for all the wishes, gifts, balloons, flowers, cakes and phonecalls on Saturday.
Felt 'pampered' ;)

Really appreciate it :)

P.s. - Also was thinking of how to put a 10 on this blog ?Hmmm....Mission Accomplished.

YIPEE !!

2004-07-16T17:35:00.000+05:30

I M AT PYRAMIDS (SHOPPING MALL) RITE NOW WHERE WE HAVE COME BECAUSE I WANTED TO BUY A T-SHIRT (WHICH I HAVE BOUGHT in the Mesozoic ERA). Also ,IT IS COOL TO CARRY 10 DIFFERENT ITEMS AND TYPE ON A HUNGRY STOMACH, WHILE SOME NICE LADY IS TRYING ON ITEM 11 (NONE OF WHICH SHE IS GOING TO BUY) .
AS MY FONT SUGGESTS THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER ...THE ENTHUSIASM AND FRENZY IS KILLING ME...YIPEE!!

FOR YOUR INFORMATION , I BELIEVE GIRLS ARE BETTER, FASTER, QUICKER, TALLER, MORE EVRYTHING IN ALL FIELDS UNLESS MENTIONED OTHERWISE. OKIE , GTG...MISS CRAZY IS TRYING ITEM 13.

Fahrenheit 911

2004-07-15T20:04:00.000+05:30

10 days ago I heard of Michael Moore's documentary 'Fahrenheit 911' and got really curious after getting some inputs about it.

Michael Moore must be anti-Bush.

The first half of the documentary is dominantly comprised of old newsreel footage tracking the past four years of American politics. This stretch aims to establish the backgrounds of Bush and a few of his cohorts, the business ties running behind the White House(he hasn't spared the Cabinet), his links with Laden Family and an overview of both military actions taken after the 9/11 attack. The second half keys largely on the war in Iraq and takes a more human interest angle than focusing on the movie's objective which must be - ANTI BUSH.

About his allegations , Nobody knows. Conviction is a luxury I can't afford. Only thing I am sure about - Kerry must be smiling.

P.S. - For Bush , he should be hoping this documentary doesn't cost him presidency.
Every vote matters (remembered last US election)

We are not NICE - Mostly there is an ulterior motive

2004-07-13T23:21:00.000+05:30

Dear Diary,

It was 10 p.m.
Had plans to work late in the night and then go to slumber room to save on time.

Meanwhile friends wanted me to go with them for bowling. I refused.

"Hello , Baasuri?"
"Yes , Baasuuuuriii Restaauurant..."
"One mushroom masala and 4 chapati at Selectica for Kapil Mistry"
"Wokay!" (Hang-up)

I had even ordered food from the hotel opposite to office so that I save on time.
Debashish agreed to give me company for dinner at Selectica Pantry.

Then friends called to ask whether they could meet me and I dont know why I felt guilty of depriving them of meeting me( WHY???).I asked them to join me at Baasuri.

"Hello , Baasuri?"
"Yes , Baasuuuuriii Restaauurant..."
"Woh order kiya tha na , woh main udhar aake khaunga 15 minute main"
"Wokay!" (Hang-up)

"Debashish , I am going to Baasuri.Some friends joinig...you wanna join ?"
"No mann, you go ahead"

Well , exactly 13 seconds later I recieve a SMS,
- We are not coming.Watching 'Deewar'

Mostly these guys decided to watch Deewar at City-Pride which happens to be next to my office.I should have guessed.

Sob..Sob...but Life moves on...if not for ME...It does go on for the highly boring & monotonous manager of Baasuri.

"Hello , Baasuri?"
"Yes , Baasuuuuriii Restaauurant..."
"Woh order kiya tha na , woh parcel hii bhej do"
"Wokay!" (Hang-up)

Damn , there is always an ulterior motive.

P.S. - 47 seconds later...

"Debs , you wanna join me at the pantry ?"
"F*** You (censored)"

(God , Let Deewar be the world's most pathetic movie)

How we beat M F Hussain ?

2004-07-13T16:53:00.000+05:30

In October 1993 Gunter Parche stabbed Monica Seles so that his idol Steffi Graf could be rank number 1 again. Won't call him a fan , more of a crazy fanatic.

A 'die-hard' fan should do his extra bit...although far enough to be flirting with this thin line which seperates Fan and Fanatic.

Ramesh was such a fan , Crazy things happened to us when it came to Madhuri Dixit.He forced me to some movies and I became addicted to...We have watched films like 'Yaraana' , 'Raja' , 'Rajkumar' and 'Hum aapke hain kaun' and I tried really hard not to act crazy about Miss Dixit.

But I find my way to trouble...,

We happened to go to Mangala theatre in a hurry by rickshaw (Ramesh was riding his Kinetic honda since he was 10 , but refused to ride at age 18 because he didn't have a license). So while I payed the auto-driver Mr.RAMESH MENON bought 'Stall' tickets for 'Raja' in 'Black'.

This seems okie for a FAN , rite ? Even you would claim to have been 'die-hard' fans.
What puts US above ALL is that at that time Balcony Tickets were available officially at cheaper rates than the amount be spent over the 'Black' tickets we spent over 'Stall'.

There is more I want to dedicate to Mrs.Madhuri Nene , Ramesh tried selling these tickets.Was caught by the 'Hawaldar'(cop) and left with a warning.I was given a warning too(The price for the grin I produced imagining narrating the tale to everyone).

P.S. - Hum Aapke Hain Kaun - 6 times in theatre. Do we sound crazy enough with our kind of pocket money ?

My Guru , Friend , Philiosopher & Guide - TT

2004-07-09T19:27:00.000+05:30

Nopes , I wont be speaking about PC OR the budget or making fun of anything associated with it.You could read about the budget and 10 different perspectives in 10 different dailies.

Instead came across this definition of 'philosophy' ,

philosophy: The ability to bear with calmness the misfortunes of our friends.

I have a friend who has been having a bit of trouble with his tooth since a long time.
(Okie make it teeth.)I have a mail which he sent to some of his friends.
It is a lot of reading , but forget calmness...I was rolling with laughter.
[THE PASSAGE BELOW CONTAINS A LOT OF WORDS WHICH YOU SHOULDN'T READ;IF YOU GET A CULTURAL SHOCK , DO NOT BLAME THE BLOG-OWNER]
[DANGER:ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!!]

I present to you the philosophy of my guru TT ,

A true example for my patent on -" there are bad times……then there are worst times……..”

Well to begin with my story for the worst Monday ever in my life, I’ll give u a brief history on my topic for this email--------------MY TEETH!!!!!!!!!!!

Way back in time, when I was in 2nd Std, I had the most fantabulous idea to jump form 12 feet high diving board into the SP college swimming tank…. alas…with my amazingly bad luck in addition to my juvenile exuberance…I managed to jump ……..ON THE FUCKING FLOOR!!!!!!!!!!!…..
The gr8 fall took away my front teeth …ahaaaaa not the “dhooodha che daat”…but the permanent ones !! I was looking like a koala without his front teeth (Koala= chubby= ME in the 2nd Std)

So years passed by, the Doc told me that he cud not do anything permanent as I was too young and my jaw line needed to grow fully …….so till I was 18 yrs……..i had this hopeless secondary cap, but it didn’t interfere in my French kisses with my countless girlfriends in school !!!!

OK …then one morning after many many yrs I was looking like an Oran Gutan….suffering from Mums….i was like gr8 after koala , now this ape …the reason being I had an infection in my gums …spread all along my upper jaw line. This was when I was in 10th Std. I stuck to my denstist …..former dentist ..Mr. Chaugule.

The operation was with the help on a General Anesthesia …..wow it felt so Sexy to be in COMA for the entire day …wow…………..i was feeling like an old man in his 90 ties …..With no legs, no hands …and who has suffered from erectile dysfunction for the past 90 yrs of his life…

So moving on , when I was in the 10th , I got this new cap, fitted beautifully ..none other than by my best friend …Mr. Chaugule …..(He is 4 feet 5 “, has a mole which covers his entire left face …and who spits 1 liter of saliva per min)

All went well till I was in first year Engineering…………the cap fell …luckily when I was home having lunch…….. at that time I had this cool rabied Dog look with no front tooth……

Then I had a bright idea to continue with my so friendly , chutya, aiighalya, madarchot, bin laudyacha dentist Mr. Chaugule ……and as I asked for it myself …worst times were yet to follow….

We mutually decided to go in for a Bridge …i.e. take the support for the two adjacent teeth and fix the one in the middle……the entire procedure took hrs but I had a nice smile at the end of the day……never knowing that this smile was gonna last for a short time period.

Just b4 I was bout to leave for Australia …I had managed to chip the inner side of my 2 major molars………the reason..unknown ( I think I shud give a project to a dental student to study my case & report it to the Deantal Association..i might as well get Felicitated & get some free dentures!!!!!!!!!! Which I am so sure that I am gonna need them)

Well my intellect ….which never deceives me ….prodded me to ones again visit the biggest quack in dental world…Mr. Chaugule …….

I never knew what he did …but I guess he used all his kitchen ware from Tulshi bagh with the help of some carpenters specially flown from Rajasthan….operated upon me with the help of a special Road digging machine………..the Pain and the suffering which I had undergone bcoz of this cannot be expressed in words.

P.S. At the same time he realized that the root canal which he had done earlier was incomplete….so he opened it again with a lathe machine and supposedly retouched it !!!!!

All done…....i packed my bags and went to Australia….hoping that I was a free bird and smiling away to glory………..AHAHAAAAAAAAAA Worst times were to follow…….

One fine morning in September, I was brushing my teeth …and when I washed all the lather……..i had a Fucking Hugh Gap when I smiled!!!!!!!!!! MY BRIDGE HAD COLLAPSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which I later found it in the drainage.

I was actually in a state of shock , anger, helplessness ………not to mention the myriad shivya I showered upon him To give u an example of my state…I was like a porn star who just lost his dick ….coz his dog bit it while he was asleep.

So after my anger subsided…I went to an Australian dentist ……to fix my problem ………only solution being was a denture…..coz a Bridge costs about 6 Lacs there!!!!!!!!!!! ( benchot in India we can construct a Bridge across the Krishna river with in 6 Lacs)

Though the denture ( 3 teeth ) cost a lot….i had no choise………..so I was in my 70 ties already at this young tender age!

Time past by …………but alasssssssss horrible times were to follow!!!!!!
Remember guys ….my molars had chipped …ya ya ya ya …..how can they leave me………thanx to my ever so helpful Mr. Chutya Gule ….. I had an infection in both of the molars in November………..the pain I suffered until they were treated was beyond anybodies imagination.

So in November again I visited my dentist in Australia………..when I entered the second time , they asked me whether I was under any insurance……with that sentence only my heart tore my chest and went to India.

I underwent a fuckin Root Canal in Australia …..costing 10 times as compared to India ……….”BTW the Dentist chair has a beautiful VIEW OF THE river”…this was informed to me b4 I was gonna be treated ….i was like …..GEEEEEEEE I NEED THAT …THANK U …FELT LIKE RAPING THAT NURSE IN THE RIVER ..not me ….but by a male Crocodile who hadn’t had sex till date……..yadzhavi saliiii

so I got one root canal done there and the one for the other molar …I was like …I have managed to bankrupt my dad…so I better do that when I was gonna be back in India as it wasn’t paining like the other one………so dad will get some time to make money for the impending treatment.

Thank god that till the time I was back to India..i had every thing intact……..
Then…better late than never ….i shifted from Mr. Chutya Gule to Dr. Govitrikar.

( the sole reason I was seeing Mr. Chutya Gule for so long was that he knew my case since I was in the 2nd Std and we all trusted him blindly)

so Gautam Govitrikar…who is now Dr. Gautam Govitrikar, did my root canal for the other molar …and really did a gr8 job…..

AhaaAAAAAAAAAAA no no no no no ……ajun sampli nahi story …….to my unimaginable bad luck ……..as I had waited for so long to get the root canal done in India….that molar had gotten weak ……hence one fine day last month when I was biting something hard………….CRACKKKKKKKK …the same molar which Gautam just operated ……..Broke ………..Now I am beyond the stage on anger & frustation …I had become a Yogi form Kumbh Mela WHO dances naked in the Mud and who keeps on dancing even if Sonali Bendre & Pamela Anderson are waiting Nude in front of him.

Dr. Gautam ……had to uproot that molar …his efforts to save the tooth were in vain.

THIS WAS MY HISTORY…..KABHI GHAM AND BAAD ME BHI GHAM HI GHAM

Ok , back to the present……………..So the treatment strong-willed by Dr. Prakash Govitrikar was that I had go in for Implants………3 in the front and 1 for the uprooted Molar………..the cost of the process………………………………………………………. …………………………..(I am not typing coz I am DEAD)

Well what happened this Monday during my Implant operation will be briefed later coz rite now I too exhausted to narrate the same…….just for your KI……………………. IT WAS VERY UNPLEASANT….

So dear friends…..this was my Toothy Story …….whenever u guys will brush ur teeth …….u will always remember me ……..no wonder my name is TT……………
If anyone complains bout having a cavity ………..or feels irritated …..please read my story ……….

Lastly …..i am redefining my punch line, I have full rite too…coz I have already practiced what I am gonna preach……

“ THERE ARE BAD TIMES, THEN THERE ARE WORST TIMES THEN THERE ARE FRUSTRATING TIMES, THEN YOU GO BANKRUPT, AND THEN WHEN U FEEL THE FRESH AIR OF HAPPY TIMES KISSING U, HORRIBLE TIMES POUNCE UPON U”
- TT
PS if I have missed anything….i will attach it in my email for implants

P.S. - Maybe its how you view your misfortune.

A Poor Life

2004-07-08T19:41:00.000+05:30

"It was in 1931 that Frank Smythe and Holdsworth stumbled on the valley while returning from their successful Kamet expedition. There were "at once transported from a region of solemn austerity to a fairyland of dainty flowers, most of them dwarf, but brilliant in colour". Bustling with beautiful, lively and vibrant colours, this park spread over an area of 87.5 sq. kms. has the largest collection of wild flower species.

Thats - Valley of Flowers"

I want to verify the information given above.
Sadly , eventhough I have the cash ;people are so busy and they have to really think before spending two weeks for nature. A friend also suggested "Whats the big deal?"(he is short of a tooth now).

Some obstacles:
- Leave from work
- No one to accompany (the motive behind the blog)

Remmembered 10th Standard,(now I understand this poem better ; had a hard time explaining the reference to context to my English Teacher; My friend William , you had a point!!)

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

William Henry Davies

P.S.- Any takers?

P.P.S. - Or any trekkers?

Revise your defintions - Trek Mathe'rain'

2004-07-07T17:12:00.000+05:30

Entry to Matheran after 8 kms.

You may carry a extra raincoat or jacket , but nothing would have stopped you from getting 'Wet to the Core' on 3rd july when Selecticas expedition took to conquer Matheran.How heavily was it raining? Unless you were laminated, You had to get wet.

After some time you realise you are constantly failing in the effort to keep yourself dry and it would not have been different even if you had 10 pairs of change. You submit yourself to the rains and from this moment you will really enjoy Matheran.

Climbing the hill station from Neral station by foot in pouring rains would have seemed really scary but the scenic forests and mindblowing valleys with the myriad waterfalls at every small hill made it a trekkers delight.

I would have got it on my handycam, but it rained so heavily;I could'nt get my handycam out.Even If I had the shot taken 'The Bliss' at Matheran cannot be expressed or shown , you have to see it for yourself.

Top view from 7658th cloud

At the end of it we were told we trekked atleast 20 kms in challenging circumstances.
How to judge whether your trek lead is experienced,

Ask him ," How much more ?"

If he says "Oh, we are almost there"...He is your man!

Vehicles aern't allowed inside Matheran ;so you enter 0% pollution hill station.
If you feel that you live in a No-Pollution area , you need to pay this place a visit.
You will revise your defintions.

P.s.- If you r trekking on Sunday , You mite want to inform your manager that you mite not come on Monday.Maybe Tuesday too.

Marlon Brando

2004-07-07T12:00:00.000+05:30

Marlon Brando as Don Vito Corleone - The Godfather

Marlon Brando , 1924 - 2004

2004-07-06T19:54:00.000+05:30

Marlon Brando is dead at 80.

I can never forget his performance in The Godfather, 1972 (9/10).

Remmember reading the novel before watching the movie...
I was very impressed the way Mario Puzo potrayed the character of Don 'Vito Corleone' and was curious to know how Marlon Brando performs the demanding role.The raspy voice, the feline fondness, the unusual calm, crisp and terse explanations which ironically conveyed the intensity of his resolves, the leadership and respect he demands in his oraganization and among rival mafia families is noteworthy and potrayed brilliantly by Brando.

Critics blamed Vito Corleone to have brought some nobility to the Mafia.

Some Tributes...

And for a man who supposedly disdained acting, he could be extraordinarily eloquent on the subject. "The close-up says everything," he once said. "It's then that an actor's learned, rehearsed behavior becomes most obvious to an audience and chips away, unconsciously, at its experience of reality. In a close-up, the audience is only inches away, and your face becomes the stage."

"A genius who was the beginning and end of his own revolution" - Jack Nicholson

Quotes...

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse." - The Godfather

"I never wanted this for you. I work my whole life. I don't apologize to take care of my family, and I refused to be a fool, dancing on the string held by all those big shots. I don't apologize.that's my life . but I thought that, that when it was your time, that you would be the one to hold the string. Senator Corleone; Governor Corleone. Well, it wasn't enough time, Michael. It wasn't enough time." - The Godfather

Keeping the Trend : The Final Upset

2004-07-05T15:22:00.000+05:30

Why are you surprised that Greece won Eurp 2004 defeating hosts Portugal twice in three weeks , defeating defending champions FIFA Rank 2 France?

It was upset season.(not for Schumi though...he won again...yawn..yawn..9 out of 10 races...zzz...zzz)

After yesterday's match where Greece was quite lucky not to concede a goal in the last 45 minutes, some of my friends have developed an intrest in Greek Gods and Mythology. Some guys who watched the whole season of Upset 2004 have vowed to be nice to their gaurdian angels(they must be Greek) and some non-destiny believers have already scoured books in seacrh of the Greek God of Luck.

Well , I m UNMOVED.

- Kafililious Hailouses Greeciess Mistries

You have been programming late nite...

2004-07-02T22:10:00.000+05:30

Raju happened to write down the route we would be taking from our office to Matheran ,
(the first trip this rainy season)

This is what he wrote, Route : Selectica - Null Stop - Chandni Chowk - Highway

In case you didn't get it , you are not aware of Pune Landmarks or...hmmm...you have been up late night too.

Hvae ben up lah ntie too...worte tow blogks tdoay.

UPSET 2004

2004-07-02T21:17:00.000+05:30

You could call Euro 2004 that!

Eliminations:
First upset started with the first game -
Greece vs. Portugal.

Germany, World Cup runners-up could'nt score a goal against Latvia.

Italy couldn't win a single match.

Then Spain, Germany, Italy were knocked out before quarters.

Quarters:
England decided to let Portugal go by.

Complacency lead France to bow out against Greece.

Semis:
Holland who were favs to enter final lose to Portugal.

Czech lose to 'Suprise...Surprise' Greece.

Finale:
It All Comes Around....
First Game of Euro:Greece vs. Portugal was the first upset...Greece beat hosts Portugal.
Last game of Euro - Greece vs. Portugal

Is it payback time for Portugal OR will Greece prove their mettle and keep the upset streak ?

P.S. - No Owen , No Henry , No Ruud Van , No Beckham! Greece aint even in the top 10 in FIFA ratings!

P.P.S. - About holland and Ruud Van...My friend who resisted suporting holland because he wanted them to win ; thought he should openly start supporting the dutch since they have reached the semis.He kept his MSN nic as 'Van the Man'...Holland lost.

Scenes from the Hat

2004-07-01T17:04:00.000+05:30

John Nash boiled down competitive behavior to the simple terms of sexual conquest. Trying to make amorous advances at a bar, Nash and several other graduate students are captivated by a beautiful blonde surrounded by other pretty girls.

"Recall the lessons of Adam Smith, father of modern economics", says one of Nash’s cohorts.
"Individual ambition serves the common good. Every man for himself!"

In a flash of revelation, the brilliant Nash disagrees.
"Adam Smith needs revision", he says. "If we all go for the blonde, we block each other. So then we go for her friends, but they will all give us the cold shoulder because nobody likes to be second choice. But what if no one goes for the blonde? We don’t get in each other’s way, and we don’t insult the other girls. That’s the only way we win."

Suddenly more excited about economic theory than sexual opportunity, Nash lapses into an intellectual reverie that summarizes his Nobel Prize-winning dissertation "Adam Smith said the best result comes from everyone in the group doing what’s best for himself. Incomplete! Incomplete! Because the best result will come from everyone in the group doing what’s best for himself and the group.Adam Smith was wrong!"

(Rushes out after thanking the blonde)
- A Beautiful Mind,(2001) - 8/10

Wish economics was taught this way. The blonde is impressed but he just walks off to write his dissertation after a 'thank you' keeping the blonde wondering why he must have said it.

Jo biwi se kare pyar....

2004-06-30T17:19:00.000+05:30

'Jo biwi se kare pyar woh Prestige se kaise karre inkaar'

10-15 years ago...when DD was the only channel this used to be a famous ad.For those who didn't watch Doordarshan that time , Prestige is only a pressure cooker. Still don't remember? The ad started with 'Phek do ye kadhai or ye frying pan..' and the pan flies out of the kitchen.

Recently a friend was complaining of running out of ideas to surprise his girl-friend on her birthday.How long will he give her the cake at 12?

So 'someone' suggested this friend of mine to try this trick to impress his girl - On her b'day he got her a prestige cooker. He thought it would be whacky , different and cute.(Alas)

Isnt this a very difficult question...How long will he give her the cake at 12 and expect a 'Wow'??

In case you are wondering why I didn't complete the story, IT WAS JUST A SUGGESTION !

The SALES Way - Lesson 1

2004-06-29T21:10:00.000+05:30

[Before I start...Raju narrated me these episodes and they are in no way linked to my personal life other than the fact that Raju is my friend.]

Recently a salesperson approached Raju for work which he wouldn't have been obligated to do...

An simple , guileless entity would just say ,
"Please check the Requirements document for me " (This is as diplomatic he could get.)

People like the sales staff of the Dr.Vaidya's homeopathic clinic on the way to ABC(Appa Balwant Chowk) would just shout in their most cacophonous voices," Te document vachla ka , vachna bh****!!"
(they r doing great business and so they dont give a damn who you are;Dont be surprised if they are cooly sipping tea oblivious to the 10 customers in the queque )

Sales Staff will SMS,
"Hi,Just wanted to thank you for the help which you provided last time. Really appreciate that.Please could you do one more thing for me , read up the Requirements Document for me pleassse"

P.S.- This is really wierd if you consider the fact that you don't remmember helping this guy at all.

P.P.S.-More about Mr.Vaidya's clinic. Opinions abt Mr.Vaidya are extremely personal and I would be glad if somebody related to the rude ,arrogant sales staff takes offence.

Lakshya

2004-06-28T18:23:00.000+05:30

It is not about Indo-Pak or Kargil.

No it doesn’t have Sunny Deol swearing in Punjabi to his counterpart across the border...phew!!

He starts his day late with his servant coming with orange juice saying " Dadabhai, juice”...then the gyser is turned on for him by obedient servant. Then all friends and no work. Thats life for Karan Shergill.Contrast, Best pal - Romy is focused on making it to Barkha Dutt i.e. brave journalist and newsreader...well aware of her 'Lakshya'.
Our 'dadabhai' goes through a quarter-life crisis- Feeling alone, insecure and scared. Next, he joins the army and the laid-back life goes for a six (you also have a new haircut).

To get back the 'peak' captured by Pakis becomes his 'Lakshya'.

-Om Puri, Amrish Puri, Amitabh and Boman Irani have a cameo role. Farhan Akhtar has used them well, unlike some directors who would put them above the script of the film. (Another director would have made Amitabh sing a number on Tiger hills with the hospital nurse about India while his army colleagues were deancing and then would have wondered why the movie didn’t do well inspite of BigB’s presence)
-Songs come at appropriate places.Javed Akhtar for lyrics.
-Thankfully, No romance on Tiger hills.
-Pakis are given some status ; They have been given brains.
-A bit of a drag during wartime.

7/10.

P.S.- 'Cliffhanger' rock-climbing scenes is new. So is the Prabhu Deva choreographed number.

Who me???...Couldn't be!!!

2004-06-25T20:58:00.000+05:30

This is a cover-up art.
You will need years to achieve the kind of finesse which will help you in everyday situations.Eyes in complete disbelief , your jaw dropped in shock , confused eyebrows , a frown to supposedly empathise with your victim and this just constitutes the body language for the this cover up strategy which I have just been able to admire in my friends.

Then you give a careful explanation which should be wrapped in a glibber response to slowly reduce the impact of your victim's state and then distract your victim with other reasons which might have lead to his state has to be done very smoothly until he thinks you are on his team.

(Experts can go ahead and blame their doing on a innocent guileless person who is absolutely oblivious to what happened and is still to recover from what hit him from nowhere)

Where do I figure in all this ? I am usually the innocent guileless entity 'blame it on KJ' is quite popular with my friends. Expert...hmmm...Has to be PRATAP.

(Day before yesterday, 10 pm at Bamboo House)

12 of us celebrating a colleague's bday

"There is a cockroach in my soup"..Someone said.

The amateur waiter was called by a angry crowd. He lifted the soup bowl and looked at the roach. Then he gazed at the sky and the surrounding tables.

"Hmmm...This has flown into the soup"(more pathetic cover up yet to come)

He was quickly dismissed and the manager was called.

"What happened sir ?" Manager was like Pratap.He was calm.He had the perfect body language and the presence of mind.He was about to take control of the situation.I knew he was going to give us a lecture on hygiene standards in his restaurant and relate the possibility to a flying cockroach which happened to fly right into the soup.A one in million possibility for which he shouldn't be punished heavily.

"There was a cockroach in the soup"

Then it had to come out of the stupid , amateur waiter.
"SIR....It wasn't a cockroach. It was THE OTHER INSECT"

Long pause.And he didn't charge us for all the soups. Not a word said.

Lesson : Not everybody can do a great cover-up.

P.S. - If Pratap convinces you he ain't the 'devil' here...The greatest trick the devil ever played was to convince the world that he didn't exist.

Where is the love ?

2004-06-24T18:15:00.000+05:30

Came across a song for the first time Where is the love ? by Black Eyed Peas. Good music + nice lyrics + strong larger message. Rare combination.

Then listened to Billy Joel's 'We didnt start the fire'(in my top 10).Check this link , it is great.

Would have loved to be a part of the audience when the Beatles were singing 'Yesterday' & 'Hey Jude' OR in Germany when they got down the Berlin Wall OR 15th August that year OR in the Cabinet meeting before the British BullDog made the 'Britan wont surrender' speech on radio.

By the way, Billy still makes sense.

Any other events ?

P.S.- On a lighter magnitude of events , today is England vs. Portugal.

When Hunters are hunted...

2004-06-23T18:07:00.000+05:30

Hunters/Sales noun - 'Sweet talking, incorrigible liars' is how I would'nt describe them in my usual innuendo filled banter. (this is how they would talk...impressive?!?)

In these competitive times, they wont hesitate to lie or over-exaggerate(please take note I have used the word over-exaggerate).Since childhood I have been an easy target for the Deccan Queen ice-creamwala , colddrinkwala , chikkiwala and lots of other wallahs.

I take extra effort to get entagled in these deals.

(Mumbai...5:30 - 6:00pm)

I was at Vile Parle railway station trying to catch a local to Churchgate and after 10 attempts I finally manage to get through(okie..pushed in) the packed local. There is no space to move...I cant even put my hands near my trousers without hitting a few heads and attracting the further pleasantries.

AND...then my cell phone rings and the irritating tone attracted a lot of cold stares before it stopped ringing.

Next ring, People had made assumptions about my taste of music , choice of movies and maybe even my geographical location.

I couldnt reach my trouser pocket till we reached Churchgate.(Funny exit system for mumbai locals...you nod at them when churchgate is just to arrive and then you are automatically thrown out. Hoffman , you listening ? There is an algorithm here)

Then I come out and immediately call the Unknown pune number and after 10 chances I give up.I am about to forget about it...when me says to me 'Last try'.

And this is how I managed to catch hold of the HDFC Credit Card Agent.

P.S.- Thats not all, all this on ROAMING.

Classy ?

2004-06-22T18:27:00.000+05:30

'Classy'! A word I frequently use and have a lot of trouble explaining to people.

What is classy?
Elegant and fashionable(Naaaah...thats not what I want to convey!Lacks impact)
Another 10 questions follow...and then I give up explaining.

Then I came across this 'classy' article on Marlboro's ad campaign (no MOM I dont smoke!!) - 'In some country in a public square the government decided to ban smoking and Marlboro came up with the following line on a billboard...
'Smoking cigarettes not allowed here, not even MARLBORO '

How would you rate the above one from (1-10)?

P.S.- An overworked, techie colleague of mine answered "Classy...having too many class files" and this is where I introduce Negative Marking.

You never wanna see the sun go down...

2004-06-21T21:30:00.000+05:30

Yesterday, Ashwin was in A'bad and 9 of us in Pune decided to go 'biking' to a spot near Pawna dam , 45 kms from pune on a beautiful day. The 'place + weather' factor made the trip really cool. The 'No-Civilization' factor added to the fun and so the directions I am giving you might be FAKE. (You have to take me with you)

Ashwin's absence also meant that his 223 CC motorcycle , with a maximum power of 17 PS @ 7000 rpm, KARIZMA which goes from 0 to 60 kmph in mere 3.8 seconds was at my disposal.

5 bikes and 9 people meant somebody was to ride alone and everybody decided it was ME (read as...good bike disadvantage).

Surprise...Surprise!! I am not ALONE. Enter 'RAJU'...and we kept talking about movies , Gandhi, Indian Roads, Clinton's autobiography, Gmail, his fictitious love-life, Joshi wadewale, Matrix, 'Tom and Jerry',10 Downing Street and the pain in his left knee (read as supposed reason given for not riding).

Thats the best thing about Raju, he is always free, readily available and conversations on any topic lead to strange conclusions and realizations.

I know what you are thinking...
But if Herbie can go to MonteCarlo , Raju and I were just sentient entities heading to Powna.

P.S. Biking - the process of going for a long journey by bike.

P.P.S. - For more about the place , ask Gayatri she'll describe it for you. Best of luck , you will know why.

Road to Perdition

2004-06-18T20:39:00.000+05:30

He must have felt that he should show this gesture as a token of appreciation , but even I knew he must have regretted asking me.This is my story...

After a long and tired day we are finally ready to give the delivery of phase 1. I felt good about myself and so does my project manager who is sitting in San Hosay.It is 2 a.m. and my efforts to reach the desired machine (my manager's m/c) have failed , he asked me for my m/c address so that he could pick up the deliverable from my machine while I picked some coffee.

10 minutes later...

I m back and give him a call ,

"Hi"

"Hi Kapil"

(It was coming...)
"Hey, you should upgrade your machine. Send me a request and I'll grant it for you"

"For...RAM ?"

"No, you hardly have any space on your m/c "

(I smelled trouble here)
"ohh....I still have 786 megs left (bad attempt)"

(...my road to perdition)
"Out of 14 GB. Get an upgrade. Send me a mail"

(dying words...!!)
"Well, Thats not a problem"

(final kill)
"Why?"

(The prey struggles helplessly and...DEAD)
"Well....hmmm...(indicator of trouble)...You see I have a lot of songs on my machine"

"Ohh..haha. Okie" (Fake,Is it ?)

(I dont know whether I have to laugh or cry. I was wide awake for most of the night)

Today breakfast, Somebody reminded me "Kyun ki manager bhi kabhi developer tha".
And today morning I had a different fear - That he would ask me to share my collection
and where is it...I deleted it, mann !!

Gmail - Look lefore you beap

2004-06-17T17:58:00.000+05:30

Gmail
- 1 GB of mails with Google Search features.
- Privacy concerns.
- Yahoo's firefighting move to shift to (not 10)...But 100 megs today
- Hotmail's indifference to whatever is happening
- Gmail Releveant advertising which email users will appreciate (??).

Every angle covered and the only 'real' concern seems privacy (which I think outweighs its features).If you are that paranoid about privacy you mite just stop mailing.In a few years, Your mailbox is going to climb the rankings in 'My Most Priced List'.

I didnt find answers to these in their FAQ ,
- What happens if I die , Will somebody inherit my 1 GB treasure ?
- "Anything can be hacked if its online!" (If Amol hacked my account, I'll start counting my days. Reasons later.)
- Will Google ever delete the mails I want them to delete or will they just stop showing them to me?

On a lighter note,
If US of A is on war with India and they just want to tamper with mails from/to India.(After the Iraqi prisoners episode ,dont be surprised...they can go to any level...just for kicks).Where do I sue them ?

I have heard you can say "I sue" when asked "What do you do for a living? " in the US.Is this true? (bit out of context?)

Well , I'll take back my words about 'the lighter note'...Does anyone have a article on 'Implications on Internet due to War' Rite now, I dream of Gmail. My doubts arose cos I just heard of 'Look lefore you beap'

P.S. - About Google, It just got the EQ award in Selectica(Employee of the Quarter).

About Raju - Strange Ways

2004-06-16T16:24:00.000+05:30

4th Standard

He found English lessons in school really boring.(He never realised why;Maybe literature reflected the times & thoughts of a certain place and time...So restricted. Homework was too rigid, it was just reproducing sentences verbatim and he always thought he would finish it just in time. He never did.)

Mrs.Menezes must have been her name. Strict with big eyes.
She was in another class when she realised the amount of backlog which was still to be corrected and Raju was called from the adjoining class.He was walking merrily oblivious of what was in store for him when the English teacher slapped him really hard.

Now my thinker friend who was still recovering from the surprise attack which had turned him 180 degrees...didnt come up with the reflex 'sorry' or ' what happened?'. He was wondering that either ways he turns towards the teacher the angle would be 180 degrees (Whoever said elementary maths can't be applied in practical situations in 4th standard!!).So he decide to complete the other 180 degrees.Thus taking a full 360 degrees turn and to the whole class it appeared like he was imitating Charlie Chaplin in one of his slapstick comedies.

The whole classroom was still roaring with laughter while the teacher was still thinking whether to laugh.One thing she would think 10 times before doing....was slap him again.

As for our Raju, After a few days, he had one more inference ,
Come first in class or recite poetry or be the teacher's pet or do your homework regularly...it might help.But to attain popularity instantly all you have to do is...get slapped.

P.S. - Above rule may be disastrous in other scenarios.

Keep the Faith

2004-06-15T17:45:00.000+05:30

A friend of mine who is popular/notorious for his absolute inability to predict things.(I have put this mildly.It is is 10 times worse than it sounds!!)

Football Fever: Euro 2004

England vs.France

So when he felt that England was going to win...I wasnt surprised that France was playing really well.Even when England hit a goal, I thought France would make a comeback.

Second half nothing changed and I had given up hopes of a France comeback.
Damn!! Zidane was'nt getting it right and nobody was giving Henry a good pass.

Keep the Faith

It took 2 mins of extra time for Zidane to draw and France took a England defender's help (Gerard) to see that my friend's predicament remains.France won 2-1...both the goals coming in the last 2 minutes.

Tip of the Day:

My friend supports Holland over Germany today.

P.S. - Last time he supported Holland was before the World Cup. Holland never qualified inspite of having an impressive team.

A Little Less Conversation

2004-06-14T17:05:00.000+05:30

Our 'Fashion show' was a steal. We did better than our best and it was really good.(Wow, got all the degrees in one sentence and I assume it also makes sense.) The costumes, light and sound effects made it even cooler(and this is just my modest version).

Food was excellent, though it didnt get the attention it deserved because of the drinks and the dance floor.

DRINKS!! On Saturday, Drinks reminded me of management exams...remmember those questions where you have to infer after taking some facts into consideration.

I had a Vodka with orange juice out of all the options available.

Drinking while your friends are dancing is always a BAD idea.
They force you to join them and after you spill a drink, thanks to 'I DONT KNOW WHOM MY LEGS ARE HITTING' drunk dancer you finally decide to keep the drinks on the table just outside the disq space everytime they insist you. I 'think' I must have been on drink 2 when I joined colleagues for 'Summer of 69'.

I came back and my glass was gone.

"'Somebody flicked it'...Ruled out.Drinks are free." I thought to myself.

Just then I saw a peer going into the crowd keeping his glass outside, dancing a bit and coming out from the other side wondering where his glass was gone.

Reality struck. I concluded. I was 'high'.This possibility that couldnt be ruled out.
(For those who are thinking how I got slosshed in one glass...Never believe a drunk man..I mite have had 10).I still couldnt believe it. Although I had never boasted about my stamina for this stuff , I believed I could atleast remmember the number of drinks I had.

I had a seat in a relatively quiet corner after I filled my dinner plate. The table was every drunkard's ideal hideout. Well, it didnt feel like I was drunk. Maybe I should try and pick up some conversation.

"Not feeling well?"

"Yaaaa...a headache." She said.

"With drinks on the house..."

"I dont drink. Just had some orange juice." She interrupted rather LOUDLY - testimony to the fact that she didnt have plain orange juice. Ohhh...Oops...I concluded once again. Everything made sense now. So eventually, She didnt have orange juice. Hahaha..I laughed to myself.(Never even smile in front of a 'high' entity. Very risky proposition.)

"Take care of my plate."

It was a little less conversation but it was worth it. It made me hit dance floor again. Amitabh's "Jahan teri nazar hain..." was playing.

P.S.- Hmmm...I dont remmember her name...maybe she was right. Maybe, she did have plain orange juice.

As Good As It Gets

2004-06-11T14:16:00.000+05:30

4 girls and 3 guys were the only ones who thought that the PLAN for the 7th Year of Selectica India i.e. Foundation Day made sense.

As for people like me....This was a full-proof plan to make a fool out of ourselves.

This wasnt a football game where just about anybody can join in and kick the ball one or two places contibuting to the game. This plan required a highly professional approach and a lot of hard work to get it right the first time and practice for a consistent performance.

Moreover,we had a bunch of guys who were really focussing on test-cases for the next release or project milestones and deadlines.To make them simultaneously work on things they had never bothered to look at was a major concern.

We didnt have a teacher, there was a shortage of participants and there was no place to perform.

The Fashion Show had an ulterior motive = "Come, make a fool out of yourself"

So, I volunteered.

[Enter: A Professional Tutor. A stage and ramp to be built. An empty third floor 12,000 sq ft for practice.15 wannabe models.Halogen Lights and Music.
The stage was set...the people...hmm...not quite..]

Always Left Foot First

This was our motto for the first day.

The guys caught up very fast with the walk (Too much of Fashion Tv can do that to a person).Girls in all walks of life are cleverer and smarter than their counterparts.This fact holds true throughout my life unless mentioned otherwise.Yes, they picked up faster.

In office on Monday , it was easy to point out people who were taking part in the fashion show.All the walks from cubicle to cubicle, cubicle to printer and queque's for lunch had left foot first.

Even Q.A. and Development both were left foot first.

(Another training is recommended for making us break this habit.)

The Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility

Does the term 'torture through music' make any sense to you ?

Take your favourite song.Play it once and you will feel be on Cloud 9...maybe even 10.Play it non-stop for six hours and skip lunch ;You will wake up at night humming the song and this will be scarier than the time you dared to see 'Evil Dead' in your fourth standard.

The lady singing the 'Lalala' from our Western Ethnic round made some people pull their hair out.Nobody went bald.

Dapper Ditties

A hunting we will go...
A hunting we will go...
We'll catch a fox
And put him in a box
And then we'll let him go!

I guess that sums up our apparel search.

WANTED: Instructors for dhoti and saree wearing.Instructors should do a job good enough to hold the clothes and the models together for 15 minutes without the help of duct tape.

As Good As it Gets...

Tommorrow we hit the ramp.(When we started it sounded worse than 'hittin a truck')

Feeling good about this.

Applying Lateral Thought...

2004-06-10T22:32:00.000+05:30

Has it ever happened that something you said majorily misfired and the expression over your face was simply...priceless.

Priceless because maybe you cudnt help appreciate the joke which bowled you over.

Over the Coffee Table...in Selectica

"We shud have treadmills at office"

"Only treadmills? I have never seen that"

"In B'lore I have been to these gym's which only have treadmills!!"

"Hmmm...(long pause)...Those werent gym's and treadmills, You went to a shopping mall with escalators!"

No further comments.

Let it be

2004-06-09T19:56:00.000+05:30

You dont necceserialy have to say a word to get a F.M.S. Actions speak louder.

It happened 10 days ago...

I used to argue with my friend Raju about how our little daily acts can help build society.If everyone did his own part, we were going to make a huge difference.

So we were 'jaywalking' once on a busy Deccan Road when I saw a bike which had fallen down and I suggested we stop and pick it up.Raju gave me a dissapproving glance , but even he knew I was going to pick it up.I picked it up with great difficulty and following were the excerpts..

"Raju , hmmm...I need help"

"What now ? Put it on stand. The 'owner' will thank you for it."

"Ahem...(cough..cough)...I would have put it , but thankful owner's bike doesnt have a stand."

(Raju's victorious smile!!)

(Why did this have to happen in front of Raju...damn it!!...lets try putting it down.)

(WIDER victorious smile!!)

After I placed the bike down , I suggested that we run away.

"Why?"

"Well...ahem...hmm...I.. mite....I mite have broken the...tht..indicator...RUN!!"

Thats just half of it, the indicator broke against the adjoining bike's indicator.

Well, Since then 'picking up bikes' is out of the list.So much for social service.

P.S. - There is a possibility that someone might claim that it was his/her bike taking advantage of my nice nature.Forget the compensation...If you are not muscular I mite just kick ur a@# and make you buy a stand. Otherwise...ahem...I'll pay.

P.P.S. - This would be an intresting case for U.S.litigation.Who is to be blamed for the damage?

Jaywalking - Pune's bet for the Olympic Gold

2004-06-08T21:28:00.000+05:30

For those who are well aware of Pune Roads, I have the pleasure of riding on Tilak Road everyday on my way to office and back. Though we have three signals on that road it is unsafe to assume that you have a viable and safe gap in the traffic to accelerate. You would have to be World Champion Mario Aggiali to cross with 30 kmh without hitting a Jaywalker.

Jaywalking - the practice of walking across a road when the 'DO NOT WALK' sign is lit.

To an Indian, A 'DO NOT WALK' sign is as unfamiliar as Mario Aggiali to any person irrespective of his nationality.(In case somebody claimed to know Mario Aggiali as a Motor Cross Champion, I just made that up...what are the chances 1 in 10 billion?!)

With so many James Bonds (includes Rickshaw, PMT and Truck drivers who believe they have - 'A License to Kill') roaming freely on Pune roads, and the 'I'll ignore any form of indication' birthright of every such assassin makes jaywalking a dangerous sport.And I see an opportunity here; we just have to promote the game. Hockey looks bleak after what they do to Dhanraj everytime.

I won’t comment about the driving skills of the fairer sex, I'll wait for Adit to do so. He specializes in this field.

I would like to thank Anand Mathew for telling me abt the word 'Jaywalking’. You will be felicitated once we win the 'gold'.(to be read as 'never'...cos we forgot Hyderabad)

I got a cell...

2004-06-07T19:41:00.000+05:30

Yes , A Nokia 3200.

Girls are Girls...

"They paint their nails blue, yap like a duck on steroids and spy on you with eyes at the back or their heads. The point i am trying to drive in here is that much of what the girls do is completely devoid of any sense.

But then i ask myself what this world would become if everyone reasoned everything out logically. Nothing would remain abstract. All concepts would have crisp definitions. And we will practically be living in a tri-colour jpeg. Naah...girls add a touch of obscurity to things. They make you think of other meanings. So when they say you have a heart of gold it doesn't always mean it is hard and yellow.

Yup! We like them, their loud, gaudy make-ups notwithstanding. So mebbe you should just give it another thought when someone refuses to let you have a 12-pack in one night. Well, Girls will be Girls...and thank God for that."

- Adit's views abt the 'fairer' sex as quoted on Monday, May 10, 2004.
(**KJ Inc., should not be held responsible for views expressed in the article above)

Right now,You are thinking why I am telling you this when the subject talks about the cell .I just thought you would ask me about the colour of the cell....

(a chat window...not long ago...)

Nuya: wht color did u take?
Raju: there is no one color as such
Nuya: there r 3 poss...
Raju: you can get all the colors...
Raju: i have all the colors
Nuya: http://www.nokia.co.in/nokia/0%2c%2c45344%2c00.html
Nuya: yeah
Nuya: I checked the bases
Nuya: 1 is blue
Nuya: 1 is reddish
Nuya: 1 is brownish
Raju: but i have got ALL the colors
Nuya: as in diff colors
Nuya: Cud u chk this site n tell me which of thes
Raju: I have got ALL the COLORS
Nuya: is it blue,green,yello
Nuya: hee site baghitlis ka?
BUZZ!!!
Nuya: ahes kaa?
Raju: yup
Raju: u refuse to listen
Raju: so you decide which color I have
Nuya: ok ok
Raju: For the fourth and possibly the last time...I HAVE GOT ALL THE COLORS !!
Nuya: hehe
Nuya: coolness...Why didnt you tell me before...hehe..;)
Raju: ( thud...thud...thrash!)
Yahoo! Messenger: Raju has logged out. (6/5/2004 2:51 PM)

Well, Girls will be Girls...you just need a helmet sometimes.

P.S. - Ruzan, How much does a 15 inch monitor cost?

the confession of a illogical man...

2004-06-04T16:58:00.000+05:30

Don't evaluate a man by logic alone.

Hulk Hogan's shirt-tearing or Maximus Decimus Meridius's act of brushing his hands with the Land of Rome before he went for his fight in the Oscar winning 'Gladiator' would'nt be
credited to their respective success stories by a 'logical' man.

Most know about the 'K' factor in Hindi Cinema(i hate calling it Bollywood!) and soaps.May sound funny, absurd, crazy or orthodox...but Ekta Kapoor will give you strong reasons to justify her stand.

Crazier...Just imagine If I told you that you mite be reading blogs which have atleast one '10'.

Illogical enough?? You might want to check it out...

'Everyone has something to conceal' - Today afternoon's quote on slashdot.org

-#- NO MANS LAND -#-

2004-06-03T17:51:00.000+05:30

A Bosnia-Serbia conflict battleground..In a fleeing enemy fire, an injured Bosnian soldier named Ciki retreats to a trench in NO MANS LAND(between the fronts), where he finds himself trapped with a wounded comrade and worse, his Serbian enemy named 'Nino'. With no way to escape and with his fellow soldier lying on a spring loaded bomb set to explode if he moves, Ciki realizes he must do the unthinkable, trust his enemy, if he wants to survive.

This satirical humorous tale takes on the Bosnian and Serbian forces, the UN and the Press; all of who don’t know what to do with the confused cooperative troops who are fighting halfheartedly. The story starts on a simple note and leaves you with the bigger picture in the final moments.

Aamir Khan was right;Lagaan lost the ‘Oscar’ to a better movie.

[This one figures in my Top 10. Classy Satire! ]

the 'best' of me

2004-06-02T19:19:00.000+05:30

Welcome to the world of coalitions.

Yes it was a coalition...The M.S.E.B., Rains and Fate decided to conspire.

Saturday nite 1945 IST, I have to make it to a wedding reception at 2015.

Lights are out , it is raining heavily and I have to look 'decent' (My Moms 'decent' defintion rules out many colurs and types of clothing.Ideally she would want me to dress like 'Dilton Doiley' of Archies fame OR like...hmmm....my friend Adit - yes he is a favourite among the fairer sex but clearly the wrong generation)

Brushing, Shower, Shave and 'Decent' dressing up...all this in a little more than 10 minutes in pitch dark environment putting my instincts and memory to test.

[Fears did cross my mind...Is this the 'Axe' spray or is it the roach-repeller!?]

Well,I could easily tell that the bride was having second thoughts after she gave me a glance...testimony to my pathetic aptitude for face-reading and my lame attempt to 'lie'.

Nevertheless , it was the best of me and I came up with an absurd conclusion...

'I dress best when I dress in the dark...'

(Try humming the above with the Ronan Keating's...'You say best when you say nothing at all')

P.S.- Wasnt in office for two days(feels like 10), my Mom wasnt well.

P.P.S.- She is fine now, We argued about Bhendi yesterday. Couldnt get better, could it?

I want to thank....

2004-05-28T16:45:00.000+05:30

(Sob...Sob)

Wow , 31 days of my blog and I thought I wouldnt last for more than 10 blogs.

I want to thank readers and most of all 'Raju' whom I have blamed for all my mischiefs
& who would have suffered if he wasnt fictitious.

* For people who want a party, expect nothing more than 'bhendi'.

2004-05-27T22:11:00.000+05:30

Bhendi,Cobi & Cauli....Courtesy: Calvin

Bhendi , Cobi and Cauli

2004-05-27T18:44:00.000+05:30

WARNING : The views reflected in the article below are just my opinions.You may totally disagree and think I am crazy.It is fine,because even my Mom and Bro think so.

I simply dont like them.
Yes, If I had eaten it at your place you should also recall that I finished 10 bottles of water.I am a NICE guy, unlike my friend who didnt like 'pohe'(riceflakes)...he actually had the guts to call it 'HORSEFOOD'.

Bhendi is too slimy gives me shivers(how can you call it ladyfingers?)
Cobi(cabbage) is absolutely tasteless. Cauli(cauliflower) is not even a vegetable.

I got to go now, have to stage my protest.

P.S. - My cubicle neighbour thinks Cobi and Cauli are friends.I didnt correct him.
In fact, I am supposed to set him up with Cauli tommorrow.

P.P.S.- Bhendi saala!!

F. M. S.

2004-05-26T17:34:00.000+05:30

I tried searching the term in 2 dictionaries and 10 sites...in vain!
Even tried 'Google'..If you cant find it there...its NOWHERE.

The other day, when a 'BIG' friend of mine lost his cell in office he was suggested by a jolly colleague to try 'google'.Yes, I haven’t been 'jolly' since.

For those who aren’t aware of F.M.S.- Foot in the Mouth Syndrome!!

Cricket Fans - It is a regular feature among bowlers who try to psyche out 'the Little Master' verbally before the match. I remember a particular Zimbabwe bowler who tried it and that’s the reason why I don’t recall his name.

'Friends' sitcom fans...this is what happened to Ross when he said 'Rachael' instead of 'Emily' during his wedding ritual with Emily.

My FMS'es...lets keep them for later, I am yet to get over the embarrassment.

2004-05-25T18:48:00.000+05:30

The Graduation Snap !!

Well , . . .

2004-05-25T18:19:00.000+05:30

A friend of mine who completed her graduation got her snap on the university home-page.

The home page puts a new image everytime you refresh.
This randomizing functionality made me stare at a white, fat, double chinned man in his sixties for atleast 10-15 times among other snaps before my friend's snap finally arrived.

And, yes my cubicle neighbour still is'nt justified in reaching to his conclusion after watching me look at the man for those many times.

DONT ASK.

YUVA

2004-05-24T17:30:00.000+05:30

"Three different youth from different strata of society and their paths meet"

Mani Ratnam sure did rise all hopes with the hype, music, cast and his standards !!

The three lives were well depicted too.
Abhishek Bachchan as the incorrigible 'goon' ; Ajay Devgan the Maverick , who sticks by his principles ; Vivek Oberoi as the ordinary happy-go-lucky guy who becomes a hero due to the extra-ordinary circumstances.

Unlike Mani Ratnam movies, the heroines make NO significant contribution.

Last 45 minutes of the movie are a bit hard to digest.
Leave the theatre to avoid dissappointment.(In the last 10 minutes you also get to watch
'Matrix' inspired action scenes and some irrational behaviour by our heroes)

TWO things the movie tells you ,
- Wake Up Youth , You can make a difference.
- Even Mani Ratnam can mess up a movie.

**If you dont have any idea what I am talking about....YUVA.

'Switch'ing to Familiarity !

2004-05-21T20:10:00.000+05:30

My Company has recruited heavily and it is difficult to classify a person as newly joined / courier delivery guy / caterer.

Yes, they change caterers rapidly;Testimony to the democratic environment in our office.
-We always complain.
-The food committee always takes prompt action.
-Food still qualifies for 'Fear Factor'
Can it get more democratic?

There are long mails about ‘New Joinees’ but I prefer not reading them , they raise my expectations.After you actually meet them, I cant help saying ,”Oh, that is you????”.

Familiarity doesn’t come fast unless you have Big SwitchBoards in office.

First day at office and 'someone' was a familiar face among the top executives in the company.

It was Raju’s (fictitious friend) first day. His ‘new joinee’ enthusiasm prevented him from leaving earlier than his cubicle neighbours. Little did he know that, his lack of acquaintance with the “Circuit Board Diagram” of the wing he belonged to would give him instant fame.

He found 10 mini-switchboards with 50 buttons each with some codes written below each board. Any unlucky man would adopt the ‘Ad Hoc’ approach and so he did.

A minute later, a top executive meeting was disrupted.

All of them were looking at 'me'.(Didnt look pleased;Perhaps it was a wrong time to say 'Hey')

Havent you heard of the famous saying...
‘An Unlucky man would also be standing next to the glass meeting room.’
-Anonymous , and very true.

Oh,It wasnt ME!!!

'SINGH'ing in the Reign

2004-05-20T19:43:00.000+05:30

"I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feeling
I'm happy again

I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
'Cause the sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love

Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face

I'll walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
'Cause I'm singing
Just singing in the rain."

- Gene Kelly, 1952(Singing in the Rain)

TWO very good things are happening to India currently, the RAINS...they have been my centre of attention for quite some blogs now. Secondly, MANMOHAN SINGH.

About our new PM , MANMOHAN SINGH
His credentials will make anyone think twice before laughing hard on 'SURD' jokes.
Definetely better than the Laloo's & Mulayam's.

Considering the shortage of time(10 minutes) and mails to 'SAN HOSAY' which are still to be sent from my Outlook(not to forget the 'reign' and 'singh'ing)..the song above could best sum up what our new PM must be feeling rite now.

Welcome to the reign of Mr.Manmohan Singh.

I came. I didnt see. So we conquered.

2004-05-19T14:03:00.000+05:30

No Staring this time. Slight change of plan...

I CAME...
I came on the terrace for the 'Who Dares Still Loses' quality snacks we get there.
I told Gangadhar(fictitious sandwichwala) to make sandwiches for me , in the mean time
just had a look at Sinhagad.

I DIDNT SEE...
Pune weather was encouraging.It encouraged you to shed work.The evening had a constant cool breeze accompanied by interrmitent light rains.It was snack time, so most of my colleagues were on the terrace to enjoy the pleasant weather.

Somethings missing here!!There was no sight of SINHAGAD.It was playing only 'Hide' with
the clouds.I brought it to the others notice.Yes, I did instigate a few people by my 'vocal' imagination of how it would feel to be standing on the top of the clouds.

SO WE CONQUERED...
Yes , 10 of us decided to check if Sinhagad was still there.
(1 car and 3 bikes,2 Helmets,1 Jacket...and we just dashed off!!)

No Further Comments. It was HEAVEN. Ohh...Yes,the fort was'nt moved.

P.S.-
Even today, There are no reports of Sinhagad Visibility.
I can see a few 'smirks'...haha...Call me.We'll be there.

SAN HOSAY

2004-05-18T14:52:00.000+05:30

Yes, this is how I DIDN’T pronounce ‘San Jose’ as recently as 18 months ago because I didn’t have to say it out to anybody.

I said ‘san jose’ , as simple as is it gets.

For those who are unlucky; Some smart-ass, 'supposed' verbal connoisseurs will quickly correct you in their condescending tones.Others will hear the correct way of saying it and correct themselves silently.

“I always knew the correct pronunciation “ - is a clear W H I T E L I E.

A happy-go-lucky friend of mine (lets call him David) heard the popular pronunciation and assumed ‘San Jose’ and ‘San Hosay’ are two different geographical locations.Nice.

You could also convince the other guys that it is actually pronounced as ‘san jose’ and not ‘san hosay’. This type is 'rare' and form the ‘Extremely Shrewd & Manipulative’ category.

I have a cousin who goes to the ice cream parlour whenever he is ‘low ‘ and needs a break. Nopes , not for Ice-cream just to get kicks out of the way the South Indian attendant says ‘apple juice’.(No,I cant tell you what you want to hear)

I could give you 10 more categories , but sadly I have to make a conference call to San Hosay.Its my chance to be the supposed smart-ass verbal connoisseur.

P.S. - David will realize his folly only when he reads this blog.

I come.I see. I keep staring.

2004-05-17T17:23:00.000+05:30

Classy Weather in Pune today. Sinhagad looks beautiful from the terrace amidst the clouds in the rain. I m sitting in office like a jerk instead of sitting on 'Sinhagad katta' eating 'bhajji and taak'. Add to that the sweet scent that comes from the Pune soils when it rains...which makes the whole thing IRRESISTABLE!!

I am 24 now. Rite now, Working in the office on such a beautiful day .This years first spell of rains will get over in the next two days.
And this is what I wish I want to tell the next generation -

"When I was in my twenties , the weather was awesome and I was in office and all of us in office were feeling bad about 'Not being there' on the fort which looks so beautiful from Selectica Gallery.And then all of us said,"Damn , WHY NOT ??".

Next thing we were rushing to Sinhagad in cars playing 'dil chahta hain'(my car would play that one!!)till we reached the summit....yes 'time just stops there'"

Well, if we cant make it today/tomm , I have lost this years chance.
Just hope to make it in the next 6 chances(out of 10) to make my wish come true ; I could always lie to them...but who doesnt want to go to the place 'where even time decides to take a break'.

THE PLAN - I hope they read my blog today and tommorrow we are rite there(Relax, wont repeat the whole 'where time ..').
Let us not keep staring , lets conquer.
Lose yourself; this is your only opportunity.

how bizzare !!

2004-05-14T18:58:00.000+05:30

Sleepless in Seattle
Saw this moving featuring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.
They dont meet till the end of the movie.She knows the outline story about his life - Tom Hanks is a widower;With one kid who wants a partner for his father...and that wish he expresses over radio over X'mas which Meg Ryan responds to.The wish comes true.

Somehow , the fact that they dont have a two-way communication till the end baffled me in this story.Exit.

Sleepless In Pune
Another widower(immaterial) is planning to represent my country and this she wishes on all communication media possible on all festivals possible and to which majority of people responded.The wish comes true.

Somehow , the fact that she was nowhere close to the best people to rule the country has baffled me in this story.Therefore, sleepless.Exit.

Does the fault lie in the algorithm we use 'to choose' in both the stories ?

P.S. - In case u are too desperate to watch a nice , light movie - Watch 'Jerry Maguire' , it is 10 times better than the 'sleepy in wherever'.

Stay Crazy

2004-05-13T16:52:00.000+05:30

Both the IT stalwart chief ministers S.M.Krishna and Chandrababu Naidu had to bit the dust in the Karnataka and Andhra Pradesh Assembly Elections respectively.

They championed the causes of the middle(?), educational(??), thinking-class(???)....but forgot that these guys hardly vote !!( I guess not more than 4 out of 10 people vote in this category)

P.S. - Navjot Singh Sidhu won...Just shoot me!!

Basics - 1

2004-05-12T11:51:00.000+05:30

    Would you belive in a love at first sight
    Yes, I´m certain that it happens all the time
    What do you see when you turn out the light
    I can´t tell you, but I know it's mine

    I get by with a little help from my friends
    I get high with a little help from my friends
    Gonna try with a little help from my friends

- The Beatles ( A little help from my friends )

Debashish didnt have to sing the song to give us a hint ;HE NEEDED HELP.
Here's why...Reshma , Debashish , Ruzan and myself were(all Selectica employees) going to our office on the 4th floor by lift.The lift stopped on the second floor and Claudia Schifer * walked in.She was rite there...when our friend told her the lift was going UP.Before he realised his folly from the 'U r so dead' expressions on our faces...she had walked away.

Why deny the possibility that Claudia had come on the 2nd floor for an interview and if Debs had kept his mouth shut she could have reached the 4th floor to Selectica and actually got through after a walk-in.(Debs could climb 10 floors everyday for this)

P.S. - Selectica is hiring.

P.P.S. - 'We stop on the second floor everytime' is a rumour.

(* Two people could have the same name)

MIKA WILL RISE

2004-05-11T19:31:00.000+05:30

The recent sweep by Ferrari's M Schumacher this F1 season has reduced a lot of F1 fan following , obviously because of the predictable results resulting into the boring races.(He has won 5 in a row , think he will win the next 10 too!!)

I was never a serious F1 fan untill I realised the pros of being one.

Three seasons ago , A die-hard Schumi fan made me back rival McLarens Mika Hakkinen.

The PLOT was CLEAR.
- Place my bet on Mika over Schumi.
- Mika would LOSE.
- I would treat the 'lady' for dinner.

For a few races, I displayed my die-hard Mika loyalty and 'MIKA WILL RISE' would be the resilient slogan Amol and I would shout after every race Schumi won.
(Amol, currently has shifted loyalties to William's Monotoya..reasons mite be similar!!)

D-DAY ARRIVED.I betted on Mika Hakkinen over Schumi.

And to put a classy finish to my 'trials for dinner' and a simultaneous beginning to a wonderful story, the plot worked, but with a twist.

Mika beat Schumi.The hunter became the hunted.MIKA DID RISE!!

Always,
Ardent Mika Fan

Sunday Evenings with Ace

2004-05-10T17:52:00.000+05:30

Ace and I have started spending a lot of time together on Sunday evenings on the Law College Hill .Considering the fact that the two girls with us go on talking..., Ace and I have no choice but to leave them behind.

Not that I am complaining abt Ace, but once he is outside the house his only interest remains 'marking his territory’. His special affinity towards CAR's for his 'territory-marking' ritual doesn’t help us build a friendly environment either!!(Since he insists on the 'marking' in FRONT of the Car-Owners)

And off course, they never blame the Dog.

For those who haven’t guessed, Ace is my DOG.(No questions regarding ownership please!)

Things NOT to say aloud amidst people bcos they mite be car-owners:
"I let ACE pee on other cars when the car-owners are not around" - by one of the girls.

the taste of 'Burger King'

2004-05-07T15:35:00.000+05:30

Burger King is not just about the burgers ...it is also abt the Beatles Posters on the pale walls in the dim lights , the rare Frams , the young crowd and about the cheap KingBurger on a 'I m broke' nite.
25 (KingBurger) + 10 (Frams) = 35 bucks full non-veg meal

Not to forget the 'old, rude, specko Uncle ' who always thought he was doing us a big favour by taking our orders. In todays competitive world of aggressive marketing , kneeling sales staff , 'forrin' accent BPO's...this man's arrogance was a certain exception (other exception being the Post office & LIC ).

Amidst all the youth in that joint , 'old, rude, specko ' uncle somehow really fitted well.

Today I had gone to B.K. for lunch. Felt a bit out of place when I was politely asked about what I wanted for lunch. Well , 'old, rude, specko uncle' is gone.

P.S. - I had a chicken salami & a chicken sausage. Yes Pratap I did...:) !! Have a nice weekend . I dont blog on Sat-Sun.

'Hardly' Real

2004-05-06T23:55:00.000+05:30

People who get drunk always say they arent.

After meeting this gentleman who wanted to explain me what 'kasoor' meant (he explained it atleast 10 times...For a moment I thought I was the one who was drunk) I met this lady who was describing how she rode the Harley Davidson in the US.

Well , I am truly amazed at the conviction they try to bring to their tones.
By the description of the bike it was 'Hardly Davidson'.

P.S. - I wasnt drunk !! ( My first line never holds true...just like MSEB assurances on a hot , dark Thursday night )

drive defensively . buy a tank .

2004-05-05T16:46:00.000+05:30

This will just save you from the unruly traffic , rash rickshaw drivers , the big potholes and careless P.M.T. drivers.

Just recently , I came across a different problem.Its easily classified into the "What if the Sun rises in the West?" OR "What if Gayatri is 'silent' ? " category.

Category Name::: C.A.- Completely Absurd.Very less probability of occurence.

"What if they fill diesel instead of petrol in your petrol driven CAR?"

This happened to Mom at the HP Petrol Pump opposite L.I.C. when our driver had asked for petrol worth 500 bucks , he filled in diesel.He gave my Mom a bill of Rs.500 petrol and thus the short 'diesel in petrol-car' ride came to an end just 200 metres away from the pump.Further NO FIGHT followed , cos we had the bill in hand and both the attendant and the petrol pump owner realised the impact of a simple written complaint to HP along with the bill.

I was woken up at 08:30am on a Saturday Morning , just to find that the petrol pump is willing to repair all the damages with the help of his mechanics under the vigilance of my driver.Also promised a 10 day free servicing if any car-work came up. ( So technically...I woke up , Went there , Heard his assuarances and went back to sleep . Not a word said !! I have always maintained that , If you want to Intimidate people...Donald Duck is more intimidating than I am . I am a peaceloving liar !! )

In IT terms , problems always have a 'workaround' to come to me and vice-versa. Nothing will help , not even Tanks.

P.S. - Yup , The car is working fine .

Ghanan Ghanan...

2004-05-04T14:24:00.000+05:30

Pune was 41.3 degress celcius yesterday. ( LALOO didnt blame the NDA for it !!)

Suddenly it became cloudy and everybody thought it was going to rain.
We at 'Selectica' did a welcome dance for the rains , singing 'Ghanan Ghanan... ' but at the end of it the clouds just passed by , just like they did in 'Lagaan'.....next time we should choose a different song , "Ye re..Ye re pausa..." maybe.

41.3 is too much to take....I wish it were 10.

- BHUVAN

P.S.- Yes , you r rite..we didnt dance n sing. I lied . I cant sing...I 'croak' .

P.P.S. - Well before anyone comments about my dancing , I CAN DANCE. Its just that your dance definitions militate your opinions.

2 by 2 ?

2004-05-03T14:25:00.000+05:30

If your answer is 1 , that wasn't the question.

This would also be the answer to the question "What are the dimensions (length and breadth) of the Satyam IWay's Phone Booth used by Kapil to call the few friends he has abroad many times?"

I never realised the frequency of my visits to the booth till one day , the caretaker ( let us call him Raju.) whom I meet before and after every call and who was still an absolute stranger to me was upset because I didn't invite him for 'Masti' movie playing at Inox.

You have to get used to keeping your 'cool' for hours when you are in the air-tight , compact , AC booth on a sultry ,oppressive Saturday/Sunday noon.(The outside temperature matters when the AC is un-officially not-working , Raju says it is working because the red LED for AC is ON.)
I was very close to suggesting this 'dare' to FEAR FACTOR.

Add to that ,the very elegant decent gentleman keeps asking me "How much more time will you be speaking?"(the answer in my mind...hmmm...How long does a typical 'how have you been conversation take place @#%$@')

Try avoiding wearing a thin fabric , you will have a checkered design on your backside if you talk for anythg more than 10 * minutes sitting on the 'spacious' seat. I think I could tell how long a person was seated inside if I was "cheap".

All you want is just that 'Hello' from the other end ;then you really start liking the design patterns on your rear AND the heat AND you may also look foward to the prospect of Raju telling you about his new bike for the FOURTH time.

( * Values vary with different fabrics.)

THE FOUNTAINHEAD

2004-04-30T18:28:00.000+05:30

Many a times I have tried to question Ayn Rand's philosophy of individualism.

Does comprimising a bit on your objective - signify 'maturity' OR 'burning your desires and spirit' ?
I am not going to answer that. (Though I have been asked a question on the same lines atleast 10 times when I praised/ recommended this book)

Recently , a certain 'HE' in India was criticised for his 'piece of work' by people who objected to a word or two in the lyrics of a song in his film . They threatened to protest and ban his work.

HE could have said
- "Come on , its only one word....I'll remove it " [ PRACTICAL APPROACH ]
- "Hey guys , let us settle it between us. I cant remove the word , but I can pay you well and I'll also give a public apology" [ POLITICAL APPROACH ]
- "You are useless. I am the best. The Centre is responsible for this . Bihar is still Number 1"
[ LALOO APPROACH ]

Well , HE said , " I am the producer and director , So dont watch my movie . I m pulling it off theaters !!"

And , MAQBUL FIDA HUSSAIN smiled.
(His 'piece of work' - Meenaxi - Tale of 3 Cities - still pure and untouched.)